When a Pet Dies
These last two months have been a roller coaster ride (pun intended) of emotions. We were giddy with anticipation of our trip to Disney. Followed by being on edge after spending two full days practically on top of each other stuffed inside our (what now seems to be very small) minivan. We quickly turned to happiness as we explored four of the theme parks at Disney World, riding rides, eating a bunch of junk food and laughing at each others fear of the scary rides (ok, that was just me that was scared to ride the Terror of Tower). Then we once again piled in to the minivan for the two day (but what feels like an eternity) drive home.
And when we got home we felt great sorrow. Not just because we had to get back to real life and leave vacation behind. But because we had to say goodbye to a cherished family member.
We got home yesterday just before 3pm. I quickly unpacked everything and quickly got on my laptop to catch up on blogging. I had just barely begun when my husband told me something was wrong with our cat, Jasper. Jasper was very, very weak. He couldn’t stand on his own and we were having trouble getting him to open his mouth so we could get some fluids in him. I immediately called the animal hospital.
Within an hour we had him checked in to the hospital and the vet had us in a small room to discuss what her initial thoughts on his health. It wasn’t good. Just by looking from across the room she could tell he was highly jaundiced. He was also extremely cold. His temperature was only 92 degrees and cats are supposed to be at 102. Also, he was very dehydrated.
The vet went to work immediately to try to warm him up, get an IV in him to feed him some fluids and to try to pull blood for tests. We decided to see how he did overnight before we made any big decisions. However, shortly after 9pm the vet called us to tell us Jasper had passed away. I was heart broken.
We have had Jasper since he was just a little puff ball of white fur. My husband got Jasper for my birthday 11 1/2 years ago. Our 14-year-old was just a toddler and was very close to Jasper. He would take Jasper to bed with him every night. Our three younger kids have had Jasper in their lives their entire existence. When our twins were born 9 years ago, Jasper used to sneak in to their room and jump in their cribs. I had to shoo him out of there many, many times.
I was really dreading having to tell the kids our beloved Jasper wouldn’t be coming home from the animal hospital. This isn’t the first time we’ve had to deal with death. A year and a half ago my husband’s mother died, but their relationship was strained so the kids didn’t know her very well. Three years ago my husband’s grandmother (who actually raised my husband) died. Our youngest was just 3-years-old so he doesn’t really remember it, but our twins were almost 6 and were very sad about her passing. To this day they still sometimes talk about their “Granny” and how much they miss her.
How to tell them about the death.
Telling kids about a death is never easy. You should tell them in a place where they are comfortable. We told our kids about Jasper’s death at home where they could feel ok to cry and ask as many questions as they wanted to.
Don’t lie about the death. Don’t tell them Spot ran away. In our case the kids all knew Jasper was sick and we took him to the hospital so lying wasn’t even an option. But it’s better to just be honest and let them know he was sick and his body couldn’t take it anymore.
It’s ok to let them see you cry. Let them know you are sad. It is sad when somebody dies. And it’s ok to cry and be emotional.
Answer all of their questions. Kids will likely have a lot of questions. Why did he die? Where did he go? Is he in Heaven? Is he feeling better now? Will he come home some day? Depending on the age of your child, he/she could have lots of questions and it may be hard for him/her to understand how final death is.
Give as much information as you think your child can deal with. We told our younger kids that Jasper was sick and didn’t want to suffer anymore so he went to cat Heaven so he could feel better and let God take care of him. We went in to much more detail with our teens. I kept them notified of what the vet said each time we talked to her. They didn’t want to be treated like little kids. They wanted to know what was going on with Jasper and they wanted us to be straight with them.
Helping them cope.
Kids (and adults) will go through many emotions after a loss. They may experience sadness, anger, loneliness, and guilt. Let them know all of their emotions are ok and we all feel those emotions.
Talk to them about how you are feeling. Let them know you are sad. Tell them how much you miss your furry friend.
Hold a ceremony. Some kids feel better when they get a little closure. We are having Jasper cremated and then will have a little funeral for him. The kids have decided he would want his ashes to spread over the backyard so he can always be with us.
Share happy stories about him. We all have some very fond memories of Jasper. He’s been in our life for more than 11 years. We have a lot of love to remember.
Losing a pet is never easy. For many kids, a pets passing is their first experience with death. Even big, tough teens will have strong emotions when a pet dies. Just be there for each other and comfort each other.
\o