[illegal satire]-75/25

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed skeptics, and future shareholders of the universe, today I stand before you to extol the virtues of trusting our beloved big rich corporations—

because what better way to secure our future than by placing our faith in entities that prioritize profit over people, transparency over transparency, and ethics over earnings? After all, these corporate giants have a long history of unwavering honesty, unwavering commitment to social responsibility, and unwavering dedication to the well-being of the common man—


i n g o v e r n e r n m e n t w e t r u s t

except when it’s more profitable to ignore him. So let’s raise a glass to the titans of industry, those benevolent giants who, in their infinite wisdom, remind us that trust is best earned with a hefty quarterly report and a well-timed press release. After all, who needs government oversight when you have corporate goodwill and a shiny logo?