Being positive and upbeat doesn't always mean someone is/has been happy. 10 years with on and off depression, let downs throughout life and emotionally tormenting myself as a dark way to feel better has taught me this.

Sorry to hear you went through so a tough time back then :(
The painting shows all the emotion and pain that you are expressing from what has been in your life and it helps show people that not everyone gets to experience a great life, or go through it swimmingly!

I sure hope it is a lot different now and you really are getting much happier and feeling better about life like I am! :)