RE: My sexual Identity - or this box has many labels
This is a beautifully written and thoroughly engaging piece. Thank you for putting it out there. The parts from your childhood especially can be tough to write about.
It never ceases to amaze me how much people seem to feel it's any of their business/ somehow affects their lives what other people identify as... It amazes me even more when people within the already marginalized queer community discriminate against other members of it. Bi/Pan people have got a much rougher time of it, I think, as there are so many negative stereotypes surrounding their sexuality.
Personally, most of the women I've dated have been bi/pan (I identify as gay) because I've met some very open-minded and interestingly complex people falling within those identities and these are key traits for me.
A question I'm always curious to have answered by people who identify this way (sorry, it's the scientist in me 😅): Do you find your attractions fluctuate over time between men/women/non-binary or do they stay fairly proportional? (Obviously only answer if you wish)
Thank you for your kind words, and that is a fairly complicated question. I think when it comes to serious relationships it has been pretty equal when it came to sex for sex sake it was in most cases men as with women I tend to have more scruple and there is usually just always a bit of heart in it (god that makes me sound like a monster .. sigh) It is not that I don’t care for men it is just that men are just better with non committed sex. Truthfully though I have had long periods of abstinence between engagements and am now hitting 10 years of abstinence again. Not because I am not interested but because I tend to get involved with partners who have some if not all of my mothers neurosis and behaviours with very few exceptions and at some point you realise that it is just saner to go without.
No, this isn't that unusual actually. I've met a few women who can have easy 'no strings attached' relationships with men, but find it harder to do with other women. There's a theory that two women together go into a kind of 'oxytocin overdrive' (the chemical in your brain that makes you want to bond/nest) - so perhaps that has something to do with it :)
:) I know what oxytocin is lol ;) and quite possibly so :)
Lol, sorry - I tend to explain terms in my science articles so I guess it's just becoming automatic 😂