I once got invited to become an 'autism helper' for a young boy of only 2 years old. The parents were rich and had this idea: we just hire psychology students full-time and let them apply ABA on our son while we are at work.
I got a training to get to know the boy and how to 'play' with him. It felt like dog training. I could only give him a compliment or his toy after (!) he had looked me in the eye. I quit this 'job' based on a gut feeling of 'this is not right' and pursued my interests in autism in different ways.
I've found 'my crowd' of people with autism who became my colleagues. I've learned terribly much from them. About autism, about being human. I might write a post about the things I've learned, snippets, I don't have that intense experience you have with a sister and son with autism, that must have influenced you a great deal.
To deal with autism is, in my eyes, the opposite of applying ABA, although in some communities this is an unpopular opinion. It's about connecting to them as humans, which they are, just differently than what we (have learned to!!!) perceive as 'normal'. I've had more intense connections with some people with autism then I ever will have with some of those without.
I love that you were able to connect with your son through books. We should use that more in life: connect to people through their interests and try to understand the world to 'differently wired' brain.
(My autism colleagues jokingly/lovingly called me a 'neuro typical' (NT). Like: "Can I have your opinion on this from a neuro typical perspective? Did I see this all wrong?")
Connecting to another human is possible on so many levels. Eye contact and being able to speak or write full sentences is not all that counts. I'm currently working with people from Suriname and I've seen how they have relationships on a totally different level then people in the Netherlands do: where we/I seek people with an equal intellect/educational level their friendships are disconnected from all that and are based on... What? I'm still to find out.
Brotherhood is the only thing that comes to mind, but I still have to find out more about what that is, means, how it works.
These confrontations, whether it's with autism or with other cultures and how they define 'connection', teach me a lot and help me grow as a human.
Wonderful brotherly thoughts! Very much love that word: Brotherhood . Sisterhood is also cool, but autism really focuses on brotherhood, especially from an esoteric perspective, where I stand in researching Autism. From that perspective there are some interesting clues as to what autism may be about in making us more human; on the other hand in complementary circles there is much neglect for the management of autism due to accepting it as a "variety" of normalcy. Speaking to those with higher functioning autistim it surely is not a desirable state of being to live with as and when it is experienced as the disorder it is. Clearly the "Rain Man" cases are far from just another way to being successfully human.
Love your NT approach to life. Very holistic. People love to box us in on the subject of autism, but fact is some of us just sense much better than others what it is and what it isn't. It is why you and I get a bit icky about ABA.
Equally as controversially I'd say go to Temple Grandin on how she sees how animals organise their input data and how the keepers of these animals have a care of duty to their mental well-being. This teaches the parent above all the necessity to set restricted, facilitated and protective environments and where the training begins and where it ends.
It is sensible to train the brain to conform to basic levels of sense-impression processing - which is ad fundum what we have in common with the animals closest to us (domesticated). Identify the blue ribbon emotions in your child and apply management skills where applicable to your very young children to bring them back to a base-line state of functionality. Or personality development will suffer.
Sometimes the brain is just a dog who needs a pack leader. We all may turn to a guru from time to time! Parents must not be afraid to lead their children more forecefully than is socially acceptable when it comes to autism. Letting go at the right ages (incrementally) will be far more successful (proof in case!). But boy was it a fight (with the System) to do it OUR way! (ABA wants to creep in everywhere).
Your additional illustration of your work with people from Suriname caps off the autism-problem perfectly! Afterall, aren't Suriname people in Rotterdam also not a "problem". Yeah, or maybe there was a problem to begin with making it hard for new comers (newly born) to integrate....?
Sisters in arms to fight brainless judgements and a lack of understanding. Thanking all Suriname people and all Autists and all of Soyrosa for all the hope we all may muster for the salvation of Mankind! (If I've missed anyone in my gratitude please include yourself as thanked.)
Many traits in higher function austic people are ones that can foster a feeling of deeper connection because of the raw honesty of the interactions. Missing social cues can be embarassing, but it can also mean not being burdened with cultural baggage and just experiencing the world more sincerely. Of course, if you miss the cues that help you get your rent and grocery money you're sol. Lots of our cultural expectations may be fabricated nonsense, but a mob holding the food hostage is a real thing when youre hungry 😂