Between heaven and earth

I remember how the summer began – there were so many tasks and outlooks...But how quickly time passes and how quickly desires and preferences change. I wanted to capture as much of the summer as possible.

I haven't traveled far or explored new places for most of the summer.

I didn't stop travelling last year, but this summer there was a break.

According to my statistics and the revealed cyclicity, this year should be moderate and calm.

But something didn't work out for me...I miscalculated somewhere.

The year 2023 is out of the statistics, although everything went well for twenty years of my life.

And I don't want moderation, especially after the previous bright years.

What awaits me in the fall? Why did such a break occur in the metaphysical sensations of dugouts?

Most of all, I'm afraid that such trips will stop altogether, that I will be permanently disconnected from the cellar world.

It is also scary if this world remains, but as a memory of past experiences.

It is very difficult to write down a new code of memories, as you need a very strong emotional impulse.

So far, there is only desire and memories, but there is no impulse, there is no fresh charge.

Maybe this break, this delay is necessary for the appearance or accumulation of an emotional impulse?

It's as if a new update of consciousness doesn't get on my matrix without defragmentation or garbage disposal.

The hardware of my computer (brain, soul) matches the finished firmware, but rebooting does not work, as some files that need to be erased interfere.

And it turns out that I'm stuck between heaven and earth...

I can't connect to the world of dugouts and I'm stuck in the city.

The world of dugouts: it's a mood, a state of mind, a frequency, a way of life where I travel to new and unfamiliar places at night in search of cellar towns for storing vegetables.

In this world there is excitement, fear, adventure, loneliness, an increased sense of everything around, an expanded range of emotions and experiences.

The city doesn't give that even at night. And any nature does not give during the day.

And to connect to this, to get into this world, you need to start somewhere, go somewhere. But life circumstances adjust so that I can't travel far. There is no money for a long trip...I get my paycheck and immediately a minor car breakdown occurs...or everything is conducive to the trip, but in the evening it starts to rain, which then pours all night....and so many can be listed.