Would you fire him?

It feels so different now that people have started working under me. For the longest time, I’ve always been the kind of person who avoids conflict, who believes in giving others the benefit of the doubt. I’ve always turned my face the other way, thinking maybe they’re just having a bad day, maybe they didn’t mean it, maybe they’ll do better next time. But now I find myself responsible for a team of 3 to 4 people, all under my payroll. And with that comes a kind of pressure I never anticipated.

I remember a conversation I had with a close friend years ago. She looked me dead in the eye and said, “You can never be in-charge of anything because you’re too soft-hearted. You don’t have it in you to take action when action is needed.” At that time, I laughed it off. But now I wonder if she was right.

She once told me, “Sometimes you have to use the stick. Sometimes, being a leader means making hard decisions that you don’t want to make.” And maybe she’s right too. Maybe leadership isn’t just about kindness, understanding, and patience. Maybe it’s also about fairness, discipline, and knowing when enough is enough.

But how do I fire someone? How do I look at a man who relies on my clinic to support his family and tell him his time is up? How do I live with the thought that cutting him off might mean he can’t buy that expensive milk formula powder for his 7-month-old daughter? How do I pretend I don’t know that his family depends on him and that his job here isn’t just a paycheck, it’s survival?

And yet, why doesn’t that same man understand what’s at stake? Why has he been getting on my nerves for the past few months without remorse? I’ve given him six to seven warnings. I’ve never cut his salary. I’ve scolded him a few times, sure, but that’s all. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe he knows I won’t actually follow through. Maybe he has realized that I’m too soft to take a harder decision, and that realization has turned into his freedom to act carelessly.

Today I had five to six patients booked and needed him more than ever. And just like that, he vanished to his village because of a family dispute over ancestral property. Without any prior notice. And this isn’t the first time. It’s the third time he’s done something like this. He just leaves when he feels like it, knowing I won’t deduct his salary. Knowing I won’t fire him.

But then again, is his family dispute really my problem? If I were working under someone and took sudden leave without informing, my salary would definitely be cut. So what’s stopping me from doing the same? Why do I hold myself back when no one else would?

I’m currently facing a dilemma. Torn between the person I’ve always been and the leader I need to become. I want to do what’s right, but I’m still trying to figure out what right even means in this situation.

Would you have fired him?
Would you have cut his salary?
Would you be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing you took away someone’s only means of supporting their child?
Or would you risk being disrespected and walked over just to avoid that guilt?

Is being a good leader always about being kind?
Or is it sometimes about being strong enough to take the decision no one else wants to make?

Because right now, I’m standing in that exact moment. And I don’t know if my silence is a sign of kindness or weakness anymore.