"Wordsmiths Fiction Week 4: Season 24 – The Family Secret"

in #fiction-s24wk43 months ago

Hello, friends, welcome to my post in which I have discussed as part of my participation in this "Wordsmiths Fiction Week 4: Season 24 – The Family Secret" organized by @waqarahmadshah sir. Now I am going to share my view.

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Image design by CanvaPixabay

2nd part of the story-

Julie stared at the will in her hand in shock. No matter how angry she was, she could not get this property if the three brothers were not together. Even more surprising was that this was the first time she had learned that she had another brother.
The next morning, she went out in search of the P.O. box. She came to the post office and gave the P.O. box number to the clerk and said-
I want to contact someone at this P.O. box.
The clerk looked at the P.O. box number. And said that this box is picked up every Saturday. You can write a note.
Julie wrote a message-
Jeremy Cates, "I am Julie Morgan. I think we are related. I need to talk to you about this. Call me at this number."
After coming out of the post office, she approached her younger brother David. So her brother could not take the whole matter lightly. He was fuming.
Two weeks later, a call came on her phone-
"Meet me sultan’s kitchen tonight at 7 o'clock."
Julie and David arrived at the appointed place. They were waiting for someone whom no one had ever seen.
At exactly seven o'clock, a young man entered. He walked straight towards Julie.
Julie said-I am Julie, and my brother is David.
Jeremy said, "You said we were relatives".
Julie tried to be simple-
Thomas Morgan is our father. He died two months ago. Your name is written in his will.
Jeremy's face could not understand anything, and he just said that he had never seen his father.
Julie asked about Jeremy's mother. Then Jeremy said-Mom died when I was ten years old.
She left a letter for her that said, "Your name is Thomas Morgan" and nothing else.

Jeremy's sad words made everyone emotional.
Julie took out a picture from a folder. Juli found this picture in her father's will. The picture was of a charming woman and a child.
Tears came out of Jeremy's eyes. After many years, he saw a picture of his mother.

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Pixabay

Julie understood Jeremy's emotions. She asked to change the subject: "Do you know why you were kept secret from us?"
Jeremy hesitated, saying, "Maybe he was hesitant to reveal it to family. Maybe he was ashamed.
The next day, the three of them went to the place mentioned in the will. The place had almost become a jungle. There was a mess and signs of neglect everywhere. The building was also in a state of collapse. The three of them entered the building. They started searching around to see if there was any sign of their father. Jeremy brought a notebook. He found it in an old box.
There are many letters in the notebook that are written to a woman named Cates. Julie opened a letter and saw that it was clearly written by her father.

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Pixabay

Julie began to read-

I am having a hard time leaving you. There was no choice, because I have been threatened with death if I go to you or go near you, and have been threatened with taking my property, for your and Jeremy's sake, I am not trying to have a relationship with you.
I have included Jeremy in my will. My other children will accept Jeremy and share all the property.
Cates, punish me for causing you trouble. But I believe my sons will be safe. They will understand my limitations.
You will find the identity of the person you gave me threaded in this P.O. Box-1205.
I believe that three siblings will share my property, and suffering will end.
Julie, David, and Jeremy looked at the letter with surprised eyes, thinking about how much trouble their father had had in his life. Tears welled up in their eyes, and they hugged him tightly. Forgetting their anger, they hugged their new brother. At the same time, they swore to find and punish those who had hurt their father. And they would fulfill their father's dream and have three siblings together. Tears were flowing in the eyes of all three of them, and they were also happy.
They also looked at the sky together. As if to say – Dad, look at us, we are going to make your dreams come true. We have sworn that we will not let your suffering go in vain, your dreams will succeed, God willing.
The three siblings went out holding hands; if they had eyes to see, they could have seen a faint smile in the sky. That smile was the smile of their father's peace of mind and satisfaction.

Message: -

Many of us try to find fault with our parents. We try to disrespect them in many ways. We try to explain that they have wronged us. But if it is true, parents sacrifice their happiness and peace for our happiness. They endure hardships for our happiness. This story shows the sacrifice of a father for the well-being of his child. I salute the great father who is selfless.

I invite three of my friends to join in this contest-
@ulfatulrahmah
@dave-hanny
@paholugs

3YjRMKgsieLsXiWgm2BURfogkWe5CerTXVyUc6H4gicdRPg13dbw9cQZbWBAMsz6ohqaqkrCm7KQkkehxGNGyBHUtdhA93eZcSchXaVXZysREMB8zjUwUs3U28Dgq5...6GDBNJCmAd5JNGWLPSkuM888uyEzyBgMoeFJwAqVPrXj9kr2ZxfAAZ52YNYHTgxako2YfB8eBek887u6aX6V6xSrNFswxpNSqg9oo9aGj9PXQiHCj9R7TnZTvn.png

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Hello @shahid76, thank you so much for taking part in Week of the Steemit Challenge - Season 24! We truly appreciate the time and creativity you put into your entry. Your assessment, including feedback and scores based on our evaluation criteria, is provided below.

CriteriaMarks
Story Setting & World-Building: You have done well with the prompt but I did not understand who "left a letter for her that said, "Your name is Thomas Morgan" and nothing else. "2.75/3
Theme & Message: You left a couple of loose points here like, "How did they know the address of a building since they did not meet the lawyer or there was no mention of any building in the will. You could have scored better if had mentioned a meeting of these three with the lawyer.1.5/2
Formatting & Presentation: You did okay here1.75/2
Originality & Uniqueness: Your theme sounds original and a nice message.2.75/3
Total8.75/10

Feedback
You have done well in your story but for a few minor oversights.


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Moderated by: @dove11

@dove11 sir, thank you so much for reviewing my post.

Story Setting & World-Building: You have done well with the prompt, but I did not understand who "left a letter for her that said, "Your name is Thomas Morgan' and nothing else. "

Morgan's mother left a letter for her son before she died. In that letter, Morgan's name was Thomas Morgan. There was nothing else.

My answer is right there in your question itself. Please read and analyze yourself.

"Left a letter for her"
"Her?"
Your name is Thomas Morgan, was that letter for Thomas Morgan?

Please do not make things complicated because then more questions will surface. Like was Jeremy's name Thomas?

Why the mother, "left a letter for "her' that said, "Your name is Thomas Morgan'

Why did she use the term, "for her?"

Have a nice time.

@dove11, sir,
Sorry, it's a mistake. It will be him. That means Morgan.
I will be more alert next time.

Hi, @dove11,

Thank you for your contribution. Your post has been manually curated.


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El dinero no lo es todo en la vida, la familia tiene mejor lugar y los hijos son un tesoro que debemos cuidar.
Una buena historia de reflexión.

@tahispadron ma'am,
You are right, money is not everything in life. But I have seen in my real life how relationships are ruined due to lack of money. I did not give importance to money for 35 years in my life, I gave importance to relationships. But in the end I have seen that if you have money, it is possible to build a good relationship. Without money, everything is useless.

Fue interesante ver cómo Julie Morgan trataba de ubicar a su hermano Jeremy Cates. Pero luego me perdí en la narración: en la carta que Julie recibió se dice:

Me cuesta mucho dejarte. No había otra opción, porque me han amenazado de muerte si voy contigo o me acerco a ti, y me han amenazado con quitarme mis bienes. Por tu bien y el de Jeremy, no pretendo tener una relación contigo.
He incluido a Jeremy en mi testamento. Mis otros hijos aceptarán a Jeremy y compartirán todos los bienes.

Esto me dejó en el aire. Pregunto: ¿Si la carta fue escrita por el padre de Julie por qué tiene un tono de enamorado? ¿Qué había hecho el padre de Julie para sentirse amenazado de muerte?

En fin, me perdí sin remedio en la narración.

Un abrazo.