Parody - Ancient Alien - "Luminous being 'trespassing'!!"

Me again! Well, ain't I active. Catching up! Pile of work! BUT! Before I continue with sport's bets and other interesting things, I went to make a quick visit to my additional kidney - I mean my symbiont.
I found his practice on something and something else attached at his side. Didn't really check on that, I just shrugged passing by flapping heavily in my worn out crocks. He might even hear that chirpy chuckle.

But he can't see me - because he doesn't even fucking tryyyyy!
I can't believe that of all the things he could use my celestial resources for he actually using those to get some bis. What? Yeah! Biceps. You heard me. He wanna build himself up to be like a freaking Flash motherfucking Gordon. Ts ts ts... I know, I know. Of all the monkeys, I chose one with a mental insecurity defect, but it is not like the symbiont grow on trees around here.
It was either that or nothing. So...

Ok, whatever, if he wants to feel good about himself, and look pretty I will be more in peace with a healthy symbiont than with a bad-tempered sack of butter. He is not exactly on par with the word fit, but it is laughable to expect he will do that with the help of powdered eggs.
It doesn't go so easily unless you have an alien of attached as an upgrade.
Also, he cut down on sugar, so aside of a half a pound of beef I am chugging down half of a can of honey.
Yeah, real smart. Starvation guaranteed! Pffftttt! Obviously he doesn't get what is the problem here. It is closed system.
I ate six kilos of steaks in five days!!!!
What's wrong with the meat...? It's raw. Here. Short and ugly answer. No idea why, it is simply that way.
That's what goes and my system is finely tuned to detect all lacks. I hope he will grow those watermelons fast or I'll go bankrupt.

I also want banana split you asshole. With tones of chocolate!!!

Well, yeah, anyways...so I shrugged and carried on when a furry item of furniture crossed my path. Being at the surprise I full stopped same as a confused animal who muffled what I am doing Inside.

For pets, especially dogs who are extremely social beings, me being Outside is completely normal, but they are completely confused what their masters expect from them when they stumble at me Inside.
In case you see your dog hopping merrily and barking around the empty patch of space in a yard, you can be pretty sure it is me.
If you see the same but a dog acts angry and attacks it, please do summon me ( acknowledge my existence) and I will single-handedly strangulate whatever stands there.
Do not use firearms, they are fun, but I get jetted by the damn blasts.

Before I could gesticulate to stop a dog twitched his ears in a likable gesture and awkwardly waggle his tail, which by the way is like telling me off - you idiot ! - and then continued to his master who I bet saw all of this. I also managed to slam my ass into something because I can't possibly pass without collisions through a MILE WIDE entrance.

I walked around a bit disinterested hoping to sniff some interesting food, but the entire house lacked smell like it was drenched in bleach. Like a murder case coverup. In ol' days, you could smell a peasant a mile away, now I have to use the forensic methods to estimate what is moving towards me.

Anyway, nothing to see there, so I zipped back home and finished my coffee. No matter how fast I am that cup every time chills down to tasteless ...

Next time when I find him pulling the cable - well he likes audience soooo...! - I will just sit there in silence and when he finishes I will start to loudly cheer, howl and whistle like if I am on a soccer game - while thaz hiz skinnyz kevapz fluzzez outta sockz.

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