"Two Conspirators in Neon Sunshine" by Richard F. Yates

The conspiracy didn't seem to be going very well---if truth be told, it was almost as if everyone always knew about what they were doing before they'd even done it! Snake decided, after some consideration, that they might have to stop having their secret conspiracy meetings in broad daylight, at the park, and maybe not talk quite so loudly about their plans when there were so many people around. Bird thought he was crazy. Bird said, "Having our meetings in the park and talking loudly about our plans is the perfect cover! No one is going to suspect that we're planning a conspiracy if we yell our plans at each other while sitting in the sunshine surrounded by dozens of people! We've gone over this a hundred times!"

At the trial, it turns out only two of the creatures in the park weren't working for the Secret Service. (Even the toddler with the balloon was part of the C.I.A. Daycare Initiative...) However, Snake and Bird were eventually found innocent and cleared of all charges when a Special Senate Subcommittee declared Secret Conspiracies That Everyone Knows About to be non-crimes. (They didn't want to set a precedent of prosecuting stupid criminals, considering how many government officials would suddenly find themselves in prison if they started doing THAT type of thing...) In a weird way, Bird's asinine, moronic logic saved the conspirators' lives and freedom!

Well done, Bird. Well done...

---Richard F. Yates (Holy Fool)

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