Wordsmiths Fiction Week 2: Season 24 – The Envelope

in #fiction-s24wk23 months ago (edited)
Assalam-o-Alaikum!

How are you friends ? Hope you will be healthy happy and well . I am also fit and healthy.Today i want to take participate in contest Wordsmiths Fiction Week 2: Season 24 – The Envelope organized by @waqarahmadshah.


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Diego’s night shifts at the 24-hour gas station were usually chill. A few truckers passing through some tired college kids grabbing energy drinks and the occasional confused tourist asking for directions. Nothing out of the ordinary. But on the seventh night of his new schedule things got weird.

At exactly 2:17 in the morning a rusted blue sedan pulled into the lot. The driver didn’t get out. He just sat there staring straight at Diego through the glass for a few seconds then drove off. It was odd but not scary. At first.

When it happened again the next night and the one after that Diego started feeling uneasy. The guy never did anything. Just watched. Like he was waiting for something. Or someone.

Diego told his supervisor who barely looked up from his old computer. “People are weird ” he mumbled typing one-handed while sipping gas station coffee.

Still Diego couldn’t shake it. The man’s face looked kind of familiar though he couldn’t place it. On the fourth night Diego finally stepped outside to ask what was going on. But the sedan had already disappeared.

Later that shift while taking out the trash Diego spotted something behind the ice machine. A plain white envelope. His name was written on the front in neat block letters.

Started


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Diego opened the white envelope after taking a quick check around. It was somewhat heavy. He discovered a tiny silver locket and an old photograph inside. A family was depicted in the picture: a newborn two parents and a young boy. When the boy was younger he resembled Diego exactly. You were taken was written in crisp handwriting on the back of the picture. You can't recall. But we kept searching.

Diego took a slow seat. His pulse accelerated. Elena was the name engraved on the locket. Even though he didn't know anyone with that name it seemed familiar. He was unable to concentrate on his work that evening. He continued to wait staring out. And the blue vehicle showed up again at 2:17 a.m. The man inside continued to look without leaving. Diego however now had the picture. He showed it to the man by pressing it against the window.

The dude came out this time. His hands were up as he approached cautiously. "Diego " he murmured quietly. "Mateo I'm your brother." Diego was taken aback. According to the man there was a horrible family quarrel years ago. Diego was rather young. He was taken away by someone in the pandemonium. He was raised in a different town and given a new name. No one was honest with him. Using the sole hint he had the gas station where Diego worked discovered in old letters Mateo had been looking for him for years.

Mateo didn't want to frighten Diego so he came back at the same time every night. Diego might remember anything he hoped. Their mother who died last year left them the picture and locket. Before she passed away she had urged Mateo to locate his missing brother.

Diego eyes filled with tears. Even though he couldn't recall everything he had a gut feeling that it was real. He no longer felt alone after that evening. Up until dawn he and Mateo conversed while sitting in the car. Diego made the decision that he wanted to go back to his birthplace and gradually attempt to recall his past. A peaceful life suddenly became a fresh start filled with family truth and optimism.


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@dove11 @sur-riti and @senehasa


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Thank you


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Bundles of thanks to you for taking the time to read my post and I sincerely hope that my creative insights will be enjoyed by everyone here.

ACHIEVEMENT 1 LINK

https://steemit.com/hive-172186/@neelofar/achievement1-my-introduction-to-steemit

WRITER:

@neelofar from Pakistan


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El amor de los hermanos es tan hermoso, lastimosamente lo había separado, pero tenían la fe de volverse a encontrar hasta que llegó este momento con un poco de suspenso, pero lograron abrazarse como lo anhelaba su madre.

Un bonito reencuentro familiar con un poco de emoción.


Hello @neelofar, thank you so much for taking part in Week-2 of the Steemit Challenge - Season 24! We truly appreciate the time and creativity you put into your entry. Your assessment, including feedback and scores based on our evaluation criteria, is provided below.

CriteriaMarks
Story Setting & Word-Building: You have displayed good imagination in trying to relate with the prompt but the sequences you created left a void.2.25/3
Theme & Message: I was just wondering the relevance of the locket in this story and importance of timing. A little more about that would have done wonders1.5/2
Formatting & Presentation: It is up to our expectation1.75/2
Originality & Uniqueness: I felt like you left the story without giving us a a reason what Diego brother wanted to remind him by coming at a fixed time. Overall you started well but lost your way midway.2/3
Total7.50/10

Feedback
You started well and a little more effort would have done this story wonders. My best wishes for this contest.

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Moderated by: @dove11