RE: [HEALTH] Anorexia and Bulimia - the mind screw of two eating disorders
A very compelling post about a very compelling subject matter.
It seems like only yesterday that I was facing body issues in school and feeling uneasy about it. One look at me would suggest that I have no reason to be insecure about my appearance or that I have episodes of low self-esteem. However, looks can be deceiving. I became self-conscious around peers who seemed to be even thinner than myself, and somehow, I could not see how artificial their body image was despite a whole table of girls sitting around a dinner table and not eating at all.
It turns out that nearly everybody I know suffers from the same problem as me, and that it's most likely a result of everybody else feeling insecure when comparing themselves to their peers. The problem was much larger than I expected and yet, nobody seemed to ever talk about it, or act as if anything was wrong.
I realised that it was probably due to all my friends being the high fashion, superficial kind of people who all idolized the catwalk models and wanted to be just like them. It also doesn't help that being really skinny seems to be the permanent flavour of the month in Asia.
Eventually, I moved away from that friendship circle and it actually really helped, the cure was finding things in life that simply mattered more to me. Things like experiences, deep friendships, acquiring knowledge etc.
Those rewarding activities dwarfed the endless mental and physical suffering I had being around people who only cared about outer appearance.
Isn't it so frustrating when you have an issue and feel all alone when, in fact, almost everyone has the same issue! I had a hard time talking about it when I was in school because I was terribly shy and socially inadequate.
I wish I could remember what event clicked when I stopped saying "Why me?" and started saying, "Why NOT me...and why not you too?"
And I've found that in most situations, it only takes ONE person to say something with love to open up the floodgates for other souls who didn't have the courage to say it first. That's where you find community and the people you were meant to connect with.
I often turn to self-deprecating humor. It's a two-edged sword I think. It empowers me to say this is who I am and it's okay to laugh at my goofiness. But the sharp edge of it is that is building the wall against doubt or fear or awkwardness. By voicing my imperfections, I take the sting away from anyone who might be thinking or voicing it. It's safe behind my wall...but it also cuts me off from truly being.
"I am such an idiot!"
"Why yes, Meredith, that was an idiot thing to do."
"I know, right?!?!"
[Cue laughter.]
As for my Korean relatives... They're all so petite and pretty and I will always remain the fat American relative, but instead of feeling inadequate around them, I kind of give them a big old bear hug - and if they tease me too bad, I sit on them. It's really kind of hysterical actually. :)