Conversations with the girl in the mirror

It's starts with simple introduction. We both say hi then pause to stare. She ask how I'm doing and I say I'm good. "That's a lie" she says. I slightly taken aback. That's not the conventional reply to such answer. Most people just say "that's nice". It's easier that way. It prevents the burden of explaining.

"No it isn't" I retort. "Yes it is" she fires back with defiance in her eyes while wearing the calmest expression. She seems desperate to break through my defences and see through the facade. Funny enough, I'm not sure she hasn't already done that.

"Why do you think so?" I ask her. She stares in my eyes for so long it feels like she's boring into my soul and ripping my defences to shreds. "Because you look so listless. Your eyes are too empty". I'm taken aback for the second time. My throat runs dry and my palms become sweaty. "Do I?" I whisper, despite knowing the answer to the question.

"Yes you do. Why?" I look at her as my mind goes blank. I try to think of an answer to the question but nothing comes to mind. After a minute of trying I look back into her eyes. " I don't know" I answer genuinely, or so I think. A tiny smile forms at the corner of her lips but it doesn't reach her eyes. " Of course you do" she says.

Maybe it's the tiny smile. Maybe it confident ways she's talking about me. Maybe it's her eyes which seems all seeing and all knowing. It pisses me off and I snap." I already said I don't. Why don't you tell me. You seem to know more about me than I do" I retort in annoyance.

"I know what you let me see, which is actually everything. You're drained but you find it dumb because you feel you haven't done anything worthy to have that feeling. You're sad but you feel ungrateful because other people have it worse but they still make the best out of it. You're scared but you think you're a coward because others are pushing forward." She pauses for a second probably it because of the pain she sees in my eyes. Taking a deep shaky breath, she continues.

"You pretend to be lazy and nonchalant in order to numb your feelings because you feel too much and deal with severe anxiety. You pretend to be strong but you tears roll down your cheeks every single day. It hurts you to cry out loud because you were taught that crying was a sign of weakness. You craving connection with people but hold yourself back because people have burned you too many times. You..."

"Stopppp" I yell. "Stop it already. Why?How do you know so much? Why do you know things that I've hidden so well that I can't separate the reality from the facade? How did you find out??" My throat feels like it's burning and tears blur my vision. I let them free, watching them flow down my cheeks. I feel naked as my deepest emotions are placed raw on the table. It hurts. Everything hurts. I sink to my knees in agony, watching my tears coat my thighs.

When I look back at her, she's in the same position crying like me. It takes us a while to settle down and she speaks. "Because I am you and you are me. We're one and the same. They only difference is that you made me. Your created me on one of your lonely nights. Your desperate call for someone to talk to made me. I'm just a voice in your head, but most times I'm the one listening. To the words unsaid and feelings buried. I'm hidden in your words but come alive in your silence. But don't worry, it's you and I against the world.

For some reason, that little thought comforts me. She smiles and I smile back. We stare into each others soul for what seems like forever. One and the same, I think I like the sound of that.

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