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RE: Can't Sleep... ?
Dear soulfuldreamer, please don't let me be misunderstood - but in this case I do not agree with you. The fine tuning would in general be a good thing, but not with this shudder-stutter-story. It is very well written in this style, whether intentionally or not.
Not at all...
I'm usually very stubborn with my analysis, but in this case (after reading your comment) I read the story again twice, maybe even thrice.
I admit, I kind of agree with you. It does have a different essence. Maybe I was just too stuck on the wrong grammar (which, in my mind, was deliberate to make it read more human... of course, I could be wrong). But after reading it again following your comment, I did find it very compelling.
And what you said is kind of brilliant.