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RE: Healing Journeys: Taking Baby Steps Towards Brighter Days
I think you've hit the nail on the head. And in the situation you describe, I think forgiveness or coming to terms with the situation through constant confrontation is fundamentally wrong. Instead, it should be about changing the judgement of what happened: ONLY the body was affected. ONLY disgust and revulsion were the result. May be the case, it ONLY hurt for a while. This (social) exaggeration of virginity, chastity, purity and physical fidelity leads to worse self-attrition after a rape than the act itself could...
Yes, 100 percent
What is there to forgive? The affected? No, they don’t need forgiveness. The culprit? They don’t deserve it.
This societal obsession with chastity is an issue, but it's a small one. The bigger problem is society itself, and its judgment. There is almost always judgment toward the affected. Like it was somehow their mistake. But let’s move forward...
What if a family member is involved? How can the affected live the rest of their life under the same roof, and not be haunted by this trauma? No religion, no society finds this acceptable. But what if the affected has nowhere else to go? These are the people who need the most help. They somehow make it through each day, but they are scarred forever—and they can do nothing about it.
I am very hard on this: a family that does not take a stand AGAINST such an abuser is AGAINST the victim. The victim, in turn, is better off without such an abusive family...
Of course, leaving your family is a different challenge in every culture.