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RE: Honour-able Birthday

in ارتقاء4 days ago

Well, here in Pakistan, we’ve become quite open-minded — or let’s say, more modern. But of course, honour killings still occur, especially in remote areas.

That said, I do hold a slightly different opinion. I do not condone cheating — neither by women nor by men. However, with the internet becoming so easily accessible, some things are indeed taking a darker turn.

Just a few months ago, a gang was uncovered by security forces. They were allegedly involved in trapping young girls and women, and then leaking their private and inappropriate content online. As a result, those girls ended up putting their families' honour at risk — whether willingly or unwillingly.

Society wouldn’t allow them to continue living in the same neighbourhoods anymore. There were raids, arrests... But what about the other siblings? What about the parents? They too suffer, often in silence...

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I am unfamiliar with the term “cheating”: a person does not belong to anyone else... I would insist on honesty when it comes to other contacts; everything else is a matter of individual freedom, the quality of the relationship, and the situation.

: a person does not belong to anyone else

I beg to differ here. Oh, it will be a lengthy debate. 😉

If you're ready... ;-)) So: the way I see it, no one belongs to another person. No one owns another person or has a right to them. This right can be granted to someone voluntarily, of one's own free will, in the sense of: “I am yours.” But this right can also be revoked. If it turns out to be a mistake or an error, if you develop in different directions. Not to mention, of course, abuse and psychological violence. But I also imagine that you don't commit exclusively to just one partner who may not fulfill certain needs or expectations. As long as this is lived in agreement and openness, I consider it completely legitimate.

I consider it completely legitimate.

It is legitimate. But not ethical unless of course both partners agree on having a certain "freedom".

Having said that, I think loyalty is the most attractive quality in a partner and an unspoken promise in a romantic relationship. But yeah, if for some reason you are not satisfied or get interested in someone else (it's natural), be open about it, instead of going behing their back or what we say these days? "coldplay-ing" them. And expect the same from your partner. You then have no right to even get offended let alone murdering them.

I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t fully agree. While no one “owns” another person in the sense of property, relationships, especially marriage, do involve a form of belongingness. Without it, there’s no real sense of accountability or commitment.

As you implied yourself, being open about it is the key.

Now, if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, that’s your personal choice; no one can tell you otherwise. But when you do choose to enter into it, you’re accepting its boundaries and responsibilities, whether religious, legal, or personal.

You can’t have the benefits of commitment while ignoring the obligations that come with it. If your feelings change, honesty and transparency are the way out, not secrecy or as we say cheating. Otherwise, it’s not just a matter of “rights” being revoked; it’s a breach of trust you agreed to uphold in the first place.

As I understand you now, we are both bothered by betrayal and deception.

When I enter into a relationship (with or without a marriage certificate), I bring openness, loyalty and fairness to the table. The concept of fidelity/infidelity is only secondary because I don't feel entitled to it; I can choose to be faithful (or not) on my own initiative, but I can't demand or expect it from my partner.