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RE: I am Overwhelmed with Shame and Guilt Each Time I Eat
I remember a phrase you said: "Pain is in the mind." Aside from connecting, you connect perfectly with the reader. I'm left with a thesis that could be asked: What does it matter what the rest of the world thinks about anything? What matters is what you feel. How do you see yourself, what do you feel? It only affects what we choose to be affected by. Change the quality of your thinking and you'll have a radical change in your life.
And you can always find good friends who focus on your well-being, even from a distance. Ideas are a weapon; you can benefit from them. Stay positive; not everything is dark; even in the darkness, light appears.
A hug.
I've been trying to change the mindset and I think I managed it well because that's what one supposed to feel when they learn to love themselves better. Somehow, it's like someone knew where the wounds were, they stab and twist at it. After a few years, again, I thought I moved passed that but seeing these people again just terrified me.
Yeah, I'm grateful to have supports even from a distance.
No case is the same; reconnecting with people who have hurt us is complicated unless you have very clear thoughts. Nothing, and no one, can hurt you, unless you choose to think they can hurt you (at least not physically, which is reportable, by the way). People enter our circle or our world because we choose to allow them in. The past is the consequence of mistakes, usually our own. But it's past; it's gone. We don't control the future either. But we can live in the present; we are the moment that is already every second, and in that brief span, you can decide that everything around you is beautiful, you are beautiful (every person is in their own way), and you have a gift. You can use art to create your own space and stay there as long as you want.
? @wakeupkitty
Sorry, but I don't agree that the past, the hurt and the abuse was is or was own choice. On the contrary. You can not blame children for being born in an abusive environment or blame someone for getting married with a dangerous person. Psychopaths are frequently not even recognised by doctors/shrinks and many women (but also men) are simply sold to the highest bidder.
So the past is not the consequence of our own mistakes but the result of being fooled, lied to, abused, and manipulated and a family and society that sucks and don't give a damn.
I also doubt it's possible to let go. At least it isn't for me. The only way I could protect myself and my children is by leaving and hiding and tell myself during those first years: this is my home and there's no need to ever invite anyone inside!
Living in the present is easier said as done but it's possible and something I do recommend. For me it's still a huge relief I left and every single moment, no matter how miserable I feel, I feel an extreme relief that I escaped (and trust met this didn't happen yesterday or last year, not even 10 or 20 years ago).
With you, I agree that the only way to digest ugliness is to turn it into something positive and art (painting, drawing, sculpting, writing) is the best way. Also a very good method to learn that there is no need to be perfect!
@emmabritt
@wakeupkitty
I focused more on the mental aspect. It's true that when you're a child or have a condition that prevents you from fending for yourself, others are the ones who cross all the boundaries. It's something you can't control. But the moment you decided it wasn't good for you and left all that weight behind, your level of thinking had changed. You were stronger. Believe me, you could have simply stayed, submitted to any form of fear, terror, or dependence.
At that moment, in the now, you are very strong, you broke many patterns, you did not implement them in your own children, and although there are scars, the new mistakes with all the experience are consequences of your own that you can modify and choose to repeat and move away from or not. Each case is unique, but thinking is the basis of a better life; even the material things we use constantly were consequences of thinking. The more you study, interact, and learn, the more you realize that you have more options. Sometimes you need to move away from something that affects you. We are always born anchored to the expectations of our parents or friends, but the incredible thing is that we can create our own expectations. I understand if you are alone and cannot vent; it is a great burden, but if you talk to someone, you feel that burden lighten, become lighter. Maybe it won't disappear; it's part of who you were and who you are, and I only see progress. You're better than they planned for you to be; you're simply a human being. Feelings flowing. Believe me, there are thousands of ways to remain in the past or not exist, which would lead you to not see with your own eyes that not everything has to be darkness. Children are a great sun.
@emmabritt
Kitty is a strong person. It's always good to be able to learn about her stories because they send the message that anything is possible.
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You need to have someone to talk to, a person you can trust. If you never been in that situation there's no way to feel better. All that one is left with is a 24/7 being alert of who will be the person to backstab you or try to strangle or rob.
That awakening also starts with little children and at the age of 6 or 7 you are not believed and not strong to fight a bunch of adults with a "good reputation" entire villages/places depend on or are afraid of.
It's not as black and white as you paint in. Situations like these only exist because entire families and society prefers to look the other way.
Even if psychopaths is being recognized, it could be misused somehow. Not every one doing bad things are sick. And it would also be used as an excuse to do harm.
Whatever happened, happened and we can't just delete it. It hurts like hell at the beginning maybe over the time, it could hurt lesser.
We will all find different ways to cope with things.
Yeah, I will eventually turn all these hurts into art, in my case, stories and such. At least I can earn a few cents from them. 😊😊😊
As long as you have a message to share there will be listeners, readers, victims, survivors and reliefs.
Making money out of misery is what many do.
🍀♥️
Yeah, might as well put it to good use.
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I have to agree with @wakeupkitty. Most of what happened wasn't by our own choice but I kinda get your intention here. It's how we are going to deal with it. I don't have much choice in this situation because it's a circumstantial connection.
I think I should consider myself lucky in certain ways because I'm able to write about it as an outlet.
And you are also able to see what is going on. Yiu have enough brain to regonise the pattern by now and tell yourself you are not crazy but they are really sick.
For us it's swimming or drowing.
Btw I am bad at swimming but do have a strong mind/will which is the main reason I am alive, survive and build myself a good, happy life.
Nothing is impossible and the key is creativity.
It was really obvious what they were trying to do and I'm trying so hard to not let them affect me. I thought I had it under control until during the festive season where I had this urge of hiding myself.
Nothing heals overnight. It's 2 steps forward and one step back. How about being absent?
♥️🍀
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Thank you!