I have bad DNA and shouldn't have had children? I've said similar things - namely, that I had no business contributing to the gene pool, with all my defects. But then I look at three healthy children and rejoice. You may imagine you are a burden to others, but they are here because of you, thanks to you, and the world is a better place with you in it. I'm sorry you've had to give up so much that healthy people take for granted, but glad you take a positive outlook on it. Just a matter of re-thinking things and learning new habits? Easier said than done - but you do it!!
The thing is: my children have allergies too, the bus-kid most of all, the eldest next, my daughter....so far the youngest looks most healthy (the kid that only ate pancakes and french fries for yearbafter I cave up on breastfeeding afyer 1 year). So if my kids are in pain, suffer, are bullied I blame myself. There's nothing I can change about it and I see their fear if I suffer and getting worse. I do not believe it makes their world better but I am all they have.
Still, thank.for your encouraging words..😘💕
Oh no - we have heard this too often: "Everything is the mother's fault." I internalized that one early on, with the first of the three, and I haven't shaken it off even after all three are adults and on their own now. I hope you don't really mean this:
Let me know if you stop feeling that way and how - logically, I know this is wrong thinking, yet I think this way myself. Somebody tell us it isn't so!!!
Well, it is my bad DNA so it is plus I gave first to them. I hope they will never say it to me, are creative, find a way and their lives will improve.
I am realistic so I know and say it and mean it. Wanting children is selfish. We never think about all the misery that will come over them.
Let's see who can cheer us up and say it's not true...@myjob perhaps?
In the end, no matter what we do or say or are, it's the child who will say if we are a good parent or suck and if they managed to live with whatever happened to them. Perhaps we make a great example if it comes to surviving. 😁
I think you are a great mom. A mom with stories is 👍💕
Me, a great mom? That's arguable, but I'll go with it--and threaten to publish stories if my middle child disputes this. :)
My dad's cousin had four sons die of muscular dystrophy, but after the first two had died, he and his wife had MORE children, seven all told, despite the risk. I always wondered. Would any of those four have said they would prefer not to have been born at all? Son#3 was always smiling, even in a wheelchair. Some people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. Others may seem to have good health and good fortune, yet still be miserable with First World Problems. Bring on the babies, eh? Heaven forbid we should let the government decide who is fit to parent, who is not allowed. 💕 You already know you've modeled surviving - a skill not all parents have!
Some always smile because it is in their dna...others are always depressed which is in their dna too.
I am not talking about governments deciding but about me.
One friend of my daughter is blind now, always saw bad and he knew he would be blind because both of his parents had a desease and they knew the risks. He is not happy or grateful could hardly finish his education as a baker and pastry chef... if he would have a good sight or perhaps some he would have had a great job at least as a manager but he was denied. He could no longer travel, see the world, use the internet, ride his bike (better don't ask), work... Might be life would have been differrnt if he was born blind but he waited for doom day, knew it would come soon, still the hit with the hammer had a way harder impact as expected. Perhaps Dutch people are less grateful or more realistic to cover up the bitter, cold reality underneath a blanket of keeping up appearances, pretending ... and we for sure are not grateful to the lord.
I fight because it's my responsibility - and my selfishness - who put them into this world. The only thing I can do. It's a part of some kind of guilt too and no one else cares.
It doesn't mean we never have a good laugh, a good moment, but an.optimistic attitude, fighting doesn't mean either you are happy.
You bring up an interesting ethical dilemma, and I realize you didn't bring up government intervention or controls on who gets to have children (that was all me). With no training or testing or certificate of competency, people become parents. Is it irresponsible for some of us to contribute to the gene pool, to send out into the world children we were ill-equipped to raise to adulthood? Again, this isn't you; it's something we see in certain rural areas or inner cities. There are no controls. No warranties. No rebates on a "defective" child. I've heard of children hiring lawyers in order to "divorce" their parents. Some just run away from home. In all the chaos and uncertainty, though, you've been hanging in there and fighting for your family. I hope you're mistaken in that "no one else cares." Wishing you all the joy you can find!
Do children sue their parents? Will that make their life better? Will they gain better life with it.
I do not believe in so-called lessons on how to be a parent. You learn, know, feel on the way. Not all parents are great but neither are children. Some are real monsters.
I get the point, know you are right, I gave and give my best but still...
I wish you happiness and joy too. 😘💕