Sleepless Night

Right now, changes are happening in my body.
No, it's not the body, but a change in the mind that is being sensed.
I don't know if I'm breaking free from the sense of helplessness I've been feeling for the past few days or if I'm sinking deeper into it.
Either way, it's not bad.
I think that making a change, even if it leads to a sense of helplessness, is not a bad thing.
I think it's better than just being stagnant.

The date and time I am starting to write this text is August 8th at 2:44 AM.
I just took a shower, roughly dried off, then brewed a cup of coffee and brought it into my studio.

Before that, I used to clean up trash here and there outside the house.
The reason I ended up cleaning up the trash late tonight was because I found the volume-based garbage bag not even half full.
Seeing things like that, I don't know why I feel so wasteful and restless.

Since it got cooler outside, I thot I'd go out for some fresh air, and while looking around the house, I found the half-empty garbage bag I mentioned earlier.
Looking at that, I'm not the type to just sit around.
Thinking about diligently picking up trash here and there to fill the bag, I worked and before I knew it, it was well past 12 o'clock.

Since it was that time, I came in, played a fairy tale on my smartphone for my mother to listen to while she slept, and then tried to get some sleep myself.
My body felt tired, so I roughly washed up, spread out my bedding, and lay down, but I couldn't fall asleep.

Damn, it's almost 1 AM and I need to sleep, but it feels like the half-full garbage bag is calling me.
In the end, I got up and went out, and I ended up making quite a mess.
I thot it would be better to remove the things that were bothering me rather than just throwing away the trash.
So, I took a saw and pruning shears and went under the peach tree standing in front of the house.

There, the thick branches of the peach tree that had been cut in the spring were tangled with weeds and trash, so I decided to clean it up and started.
I brought a half-sized plastic drum used for mixing compost and cut the thicker branches into pieces about a foot long with a saw, while the thinner ones were chopped into smaller pieces with pruning shears or by hand.
The reason for doing this is to take it to the field and make compost.
In the morning, when I go to the field, I plan to load it up and throw it into the compost bin.

While working, even the hidden trash starts to crawl out.
Our house is not a standalone home where I live alone, but rather a mixed-use building with facilities used by many people on the lower floors, so the parking lot is large and trash appears from who knows where.
The place across the street that operates a separate parking lot is even worse.
So, they might be sensitive about the trash.
Because there are many people who throw things away, but it's hard to find someone who cleans up.
In the end, I have to clean it up.
Sometimes, even if I pretend not to notice the mess, the answer is still the same.
The fact is that it only gets cleaned up when I do it.

Around 8 o'clock, the head of the education department came early and went for a walk.
I liked walking barefoot on the newly created dirt path in the park, so I went there.
Even tho the scale was smaller than I expected, I thot it was better than nothing, so I walked there, and naturally, I met the locals.
The person who greeted me with "How have you been? It's been a while" was the manager of the Gwangjang Real Estate.
It's been a really long time.
I haven't seen you much because I've been busy with Atomy and taking care of things.
Yeah, it's because I'm taking care of my mother, so it's hard for me to find time, and that's why I don't go out much.

Since he walks faster than me, he overtakes me with his companions and says, "I enjoyed the corn." I reply, "Thank you for enjoying it," and in the meantime, they completely move ahead while talking about the corn.
A few days ago, they steamed some corn and brought it to me warm, and it was really delicious, they said, and the story of the corn they had already eaten began to unfold in the park.
Listening half-heartedly and keeping a bit of distance while walking behind, the conversation is about eating corn right now and describing its taste.
That day, there was no corn delivery, just the daughter, and neither Manager Lee nor Director Song were there, so I couldn't see them. I thot they would be in the office early in the morning that day, but they weren't.

I was at Cheongpyeong Station around 11:30 AM.
I went out and waited because my friends were coming.
I went out and waited without knowing how many people were coming.
I got a call saying they had arrived, so I came out to exit 1 and said I was waiting. They said okay, and then the chairman came out first.
How many people are there? They said five.
At that moment, I thought, "Oh no, that makes six of us, what should I do?" But then I thought, "Oh, four of us can just sit in the back."
The friend who is the president sits in the front, and the girlfriends who are smaller in stature take the back seats, so it's not too bad.

Since I got in the car, I suggested going to the center to eat corn and then going to the field to pick some corn to take home, but first, I said let's eat.
They said they didn't eat breakfast because they came early in the morning, but whether that time is considered early or not depends on each person's lifestyle, so I didn't say anything.
It's a pointless story, but it's about the concept of "early" these days and the concept of being diligent.
All.
That story has truly become one without an answer.
In agrarian societies, diligence was clearly delineated early on.
The diversification of social structures and the varying nature of labor and working hours may be filling the words "early" and "diligence" with a kind of terror or shackles.

In fact, I had steamed corn in a cauldron-like large pot to give to my friends and loaded it into the car with the pot. In my mind, I thot it would look a bit romantic.
But when he suggested eating first, there was no other choice but to drive to the restaurant.
We went to Cheongha Garden, which is the number one local restaurant in our town.
When guests come, it's a place where they are treated well.
People who have tried the food are generally very satisfied with the restaurant.
In winter, it is well-known for its pine nut dumpling soup, and in summer, for its buckwheat noodles.

Of course, it's a place I know well.
So, after enjoying a delicious meal, I asked the owner if I could give them some corn, and they happily agreed.
So, when we opened the trunk of the car and lifted the pot lid, cheers erupted.
At first, they asked for just two, but then they saw the corn in the pot and said, "We'll take eight so we can each have one."
There's nothing wrong with that.
Thinking it was a full pot, I said, "Go ahead," and they packed it into a bag, saying it was hot, hot.
In the end, it was the local restaurant owner, not the friend from Seoul, who did it first.

I had lunch and went to the field.
I went to buy water and gloves with a friend because they weren't prepared, but when I returned, instead of waiting in the cool shaded greenhouse, they had gone to the cornfield to pick corn. I thot for a moment.
Do they even know how to pick corn? No, they went into the field where all the corn had already been picked. They should have gone to the places where the corn wasn't picked, but instead, they were just picking the leftover scraps in the field where everything had already been harvested. I couldn't help but laugh.

When I guide them to the wrong line, they get excited and start picking.
However, in my opinion, they are clumsy, and while they are having fun, things aren't going as planned, and the work is progressing very slowly.
If I left it to them, they would have been fried in the cornfield, so I went out and picked it myself.
But when they saw the corn, and even more so when they tasted the steamed ones, they went crazy over it.
Repeating "You can pick as much as you want," a competition broke out in the cornfield to see who could pick the most.
So go ahead and pick a lot, take it with you, go and steam it for your grandchildren, is there any other kind of romance? This is romance, is happiness anything special? This is happiness, I thought, so pick as much as you can and take it with you. After all, this is a farm grown with the intention of selling, so take it and enjoy it.

You have to understand women's greed.
They really rush to take a lot.
It's enjoyable just to look at.
Since the volume increased, I told them to take everything out and take it.
I started putting things into the bag I brought, and everyone is really filling it up.
The one who packed the least is the only girl in the group.

He seems to have around 30, then about 40, and the three friends are about even.
I think he probably took at least 50, even if we estimate low.
Since I couldn't fit them all in one place, I ended up splitting them into two bags and took them.
Of course, I took them to the subway station.

After finishing work in the field, they said they wanted to go somewhere cool.
It's not really a good idea to go to a cafe, and since there's also the purpose of visiting me, I suggested going to the center, and they agreed.
So we came to the Atomy Cheongpyeong Happiness Center.
Turning on the air conditioning full blast, having a cup of coffee, tasting various things, and even after a long time, they still don't leave. So when I said I wasn't going, they asked, "Why? Are you busy? Is that why you want to leave quickly? We have plenty of time."

Well, if I have to leave quickly because of my mother or other tasks, they won't stop me, but would they want to send off the people who came to see me quickly? It would be nice to at least keep them for dinner and send them off. But I still looked tired and thot there wasn't much to talk about at the center.
In fact, it is true that I didn't want to talk about Atomy.
Inviting friends over and then talking about Atomy might make some of them go, "What the heck?"

But no, there's a friend who, saying "Hey, I like Atomy products, so since I'm here, I'll take some," starts the conversation.
So, while gathering the items they mentioned and naturally talking about Atomy, the three friends had joined when they came two years ago.
Upon checking, it turned out that my husband's friends had kept their codes active without deactivating them, and when I looked at the genealogy chart, there were many members below, and of course, there were quite a few shared PVs as well.

Seeing that, I guess curiosity arises.
Asking all sorts of questions, they suddenly become very interested.
So, I explained it step by step, and they said, "Wow, so if I really do it like that, I'll make money."
In response to that question, I would say, "Yes, if you do it like that, you'll make money. If you diligently use the products and grow your network, you'll earn commissions. If you work hard while keeping the vision in mind, it will become a retirement plan. And then you'll be grateful to me."

One friend was ecstatic.
Why is it that we signed up on the same day, but that friend has accumulated so much PV while I have so little?
As I listen to the story, I get the feeling that some positive energy is about to surge.

I explained it like this.
It didn't cost any money to join Atomy, right?
You didn't sign anyone up yourself, right?
But there are a lot of people, right? The PV is piling up.
Memberships automatically expire if there's no shopping activity for a certain period, but I've kept all of them active. I mentioned this up to this point.
It's a global one-server binary infinite stage, so you just need to be consistent. There's a cap, so even if you start now, you're practically the number one business owner. Also, since it's a company that aims for mass luxury, it's not wrong to say that the product prices are affordable and the quality is the best in the world, among other things.
Because I think that if they are ever interested and fortunate enough, they will do it.

Today, I wrote the word "omen" and started writing.
It's almost 5 o'clock now.
I hear the sound of the cleaning truck coming and going.
Why am I staying up all nite at this hour, feeling some kind of omen?
Honestly, I don't know.
I might know, but I don't.
What kind of omen is this energy surrounding me?
Bad, good, I don't really know.
What I clearly felt was that this can't go on like this, and I think my body is reacting to that.
In other words, it's also a sign that the body has started to feel the crisis.
But I don't know what this feeling is embracing.

I think of myself as someone who is strong in times of crisis.
My growth has always started from crises.
The momentum that began in those crises always acted positively and eventually opened up new worlds or allowed me to rise to the next level.
Then what about now?
Even now, I honestly had a negative thot about whether that was really the case.
Now, the first thot that comes to mind is, "No, it can't be."

But tonight, or rather early this morning, as I went out to clean up the trash, I realized that it wasn't the defeatist mindset I felt at my desk or in bed.
I felt a sense of energy that perhaps there is not just one opportunity, but even more than that.
That was last nite, or rather the nite before last, or maybe even the nite before that, during the process of breaking a small wooden box and putting it into a bag while cleaning up the trash, when I got a splinter in my pinky finger.
I got so angry that I went to the hospital last nite for the first time in my life, got a tetanus shot, some other shot, and then went to the pharmacy with a prescription.

I also thot that the nail puncture phenomenon might have awakened something.
I thot that since there was quite a bit of blood, I wouldn't get angry, but that wasn't the case.
I was stabbed in the dark, so I didn't even think of looking closely.
I know the nail that pricked me was a tack nail.
It's not like I haven't been pricked by a tack before, but this time, I thot that maybe this tack had been assigned the mission of scolding and waking me up from my laziness, and had been waiting for the right moment.

Perhaps this energy had already begun from spring to summer.
On one side, there was an effort to lift me up, but I was unaware and let myself be consumed by laziness, which was regrettable, so I should have snapped out of it. While planting corn, I dropped the hammer and even split the joint, but despite that, I should have realized the abundance of the corn, yet I didn't. Well, let's think of it that way.

The good energy, the once-in-a-lifetime good energy, is already coming back to me.
But it seems they even took away my good night's sleep to make sure I get my act together.
Yeah, then let's give it another try.
Think of today's feeling as a good omen, a positive vibe, and don't just think that something good will happen—actually plan something good.

Success in everything comes from confidence.
Let's live life with confidence.
The truly important goal, the fateful goal that changes your life, is the one that comes at the perfect moment for disappointment, just when the overtime is about to end.
Rather than disappointment, it is about returning to the team that clings to hope until the very end and runs with all their might.

Thank you.