One Picture And One Story Week #95

Hello friends of Steem for Pakistan, hope we are all having a great time writing, learning and voting on Steemit. I am excited to join this week's One picture and One story by @suboohi and here's my piece:

As boys, we grew up hearing the words "Men don't cry"... "Be a man"... "hold it in".

Whenever we showed emotions, we were made to see it as a weakness. You must not show emotions. You must not allow anyone see you cry. We grew up with this notion everyday. Some of us can't even remember the day we cried even in pain, some take a lot of years to cry, some cry only when they lose a love one.

Sometimes I ask how it got to be this way. Why aren't we allowed to show vulnerabilities?

But this is how we all went into this emotionless beings over time.
Growing up, we were taught that silence means strength and also that showing vulnerability means we were weak. Hearing this over time builds a cage over our emotions. Back then, I grew up to cage my emotions by being silent whenever I go through pains or when I needed help...because real men don't cry.

Naturally speaking men are meant to protect and provide safety and also endure; so any display of soft emotions like crying, grieving, mourning etc, was seen as a failure of this manly role.

In secondary school, I had a friend who lost his dad. One morning he came to school, he was just 15 years at the time. He came a little bit late to school that day. As friends we were a little concerned why he came late as he was one of those punctual students we had back in the day.

With a teary eye, he told us (just the boys) that he just lost his dad over a stomach ache. We couldn't believe our ears. Tears dropped down his cheeks as he tried to hold it in. He wasn't trying to hold it in because he didn't feel the pain but because of the Men don't cry phrase that has been passed down to us over the years. In fact we pulled him together not to cry and we all used the phrase "Be A Man"; but does being a man mean not showing pain or not crying?

We continued to put in that strength in him, we told him that we wouldn't want to see him cry in front of the ladies because we felt it will be a sign of weakness. Sometimes I wish we'd told him to let it out at that moment. Wish we told him that it is okay to cry; that it doesn't take away anything from him being a man.

I remember his dad's funeral coming and he told us he wasn't going to cry or show any emotions throughout the funeral because everyone in school was coming and he was also the first son. He didn't want it to look like he is weak. Remembered him saying he is the rock the family leans on at the moment; but even rocks crack under pressure and it was okay for him to let out that pain at the moment.

The day of the funeral came and we rallied around him and tried making jokes so that he won't feel his dad's demise. His dad was lowered into the ground as we all watched.

He tried turning off his emotions even though his eyes were reddish but he stood firm.... thoughts flying through his head as he sees the man he loved being lowered into the ground lifeless. I could feel the deep sorrow everywhere; the pillar of the family is gone and another pillar had to take the mantle even when he wasn't ready. Be a man - we all said as we took our leave.

The cost of this silent endurance was heavy on him. He was able to bottle up the emotions but it led to stress, depressions and a drop in his grade. He couldn't concentrate but he had to show that he had it all together...but the truth is this pain was eating him up. Even when the pain was much, he controlled it to show that he was a man. But is there any man who stopped being a man because he showed vulnerability? None!!

The result is that most of us grow into men with little or no emotions...most times unsure how to express these feelings except through anger and withdrawal. Society has made it hard for us to show these pains or cry it out.

After 11 years from this experience, my friend told me he wished he cried that day. He told me he felt the pain of missing him till date. And sometimes he wish he could tell us how he felt. But he thought being opened about his emotions will bring him ridicule and mockery of not being a man.

Acknowledging our emotions doesn't make us weak. It takes courage to let people close to us know what is going on within us. It is better to cry it out than break down.

There is no gain in suffering beneath a brave face.

This is my story for the week. I do hope you had a good read.

I invite @imohmitch, @onlyonefave and @ujunwa01 to participate in this contest.