Honour-able Birthday
Eleven years ago, a very good friend of mine gifted me this book, "Honour". Over the years, I have read a couple of other books by this author, but for some reason, I kept delaying this particular book. The author usually talks about sensitive and social issues of Turkey in the 1900s, whereas I go for casual reads which help me escape from reality. I need to set the whole mood for reads which are a bit heavier on the nerves. Let's just say, I always had an excuse to pick another book from the shelf until this summer when I resolved not to buy new books until I'm done with the ones at home.
The other works of Shafak which I have read — Three Daughters of Eve, The Bastard of Istanbul, and Forty Rules of Love are masterpieces. It's just that it takes me some time to get pulled into her stories and once that happens, I feel every emotion and pain of the characters. Yeah, she's that good with her characters.
Probably, this (heavy material) was the main reason that "Honour" kept sitting on my shelf for so long. It's a coincidence that I received it on my birthday and finished it on my birthday as well — just eleven years apart. I don't know if I'm any wiser, but I wouldn't have understood or reflected on this book the way I do now, had I read it back then.
This book is about one of the grave issues of patriarchal society — Honour Killing. I'm not sure if people kill in the name of Honour in your country or if you think of it as a medieval practice, but on my side of the world, women are still murdered because they don't live up to the societal standards set by their fathers, husbands or brothers. These same men have completely different standards when it comes to themselves.
A boy killed a girl because she refused to accept his proposal
A brother killed her sister because she wanted to marry for love
These are real news from 2025 not from 1925. The reason this book touched my heart is that the issue discussed is not a piece of fiction; it's a reality in some parts of the world.
In the book, a boy killed his mother because she had an extramarital affair. He didn't think of killing his father who also had an affair, long before his mother did. Funnily, the boy (sixteen-year-old) was also dating someone and got her pregnant too. The mother wasn't even physical (yet), but the men in her family had crossed all boundaries already, and yet they thought it was the "mom" — the female who was bringing disgrace to the family and needed some fixing.
Why??? What makes some men think that it's ok for them to do as they please but when it comes to their women, their honour becomes fragile?
Such practices are beyond my comprehension which are sadly deeply rooted in my (borrowed) culture. Nothing justifies cheating but the freedom to choose a spouse is a woman's right in Islam. I don't want to bring religion here, but these issues are seen more in Islamic societies, making us think, what a conservative religion. Even the book is about a Muslim family. Cheating is not justified anywhere, it goes beyond a religious matter. Then why did the husband get away with it and the wife couldn't? I'm not even talking about what the boy did...he would have killed his sister too if she had an affair but he thought it was okay for him to have a relationship with someone else's sister out of wedlock. What double standards!!!
It's not even about right and wrong because the definition varies for different beliefs and religions. What gives a human the right to act like God and decide the fate of another human being for their actions? Why not focus on yourself, on your deeds?
To most of you, it may seem like an alien topic, but those of us who still hear about such incidents are angry and frustrated at those patriarchs. I feel horrified when I hear about such weird incidents, which seem to be increasing. I'm lucky to not have those maniacs in my family; otherwise, it would have been hard to raise my boys into decent men for kids do what they see not what they are taught.
I need a rebound book to get rid of the sad feelings that this book induced in me on my birthday. Although, my friends and family already made my day so much better.
soulfuldreamer and her kids brought yummiest brownies and beautiful cards. I have kind friends but I never get used to this special treatment.
It's a little personal, but I felt like recording this memory on the blockchain. 🙂
Happy birthday to you! I wish that such heavy thoughts do not visit you on such days. 😊
The task of society is to create equal conditions for men and women. How they will take advantage of these conditions is another question. I find it difficult to understand why we are constantly trying to divide along racial, gender or other lines. Diversity is wealth, not a cause for discord.
If we take my country, I believe that even now it is easier for men to realize themselves in terms of their careers here. There is also the issue of domestic violence. Such facts are strictly punished, but the problem is that a huge number of women remain silent and never tell that they are victims of domestic violence.
Will we ever learn equality and mutual respect? I don't think so. 😒
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But then they won't be able to flex power and show superiority.
What about women? Is it easy for them?
Another grave issue. Women don't file for divorce because a divorcee (or even a widower) has no life here. They silently suffer and compromise on their self respect and well-being.
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Happy birthday from me too!
I can't say much about the subject of the book because it's foreign to me. Just this much, that constraints are generally not a good fertilizer for love.
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Thank you.
You are right. It's not even love if it's controlling and suffocating.
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Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag, my most honourable Steemit friend... 🤗
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I didn't know "Happy Birthday" is so complicated in German. I'm trying to pronounce it but
That said,
بہت شکریہ آپ کا میری عزیز دوست
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You are welcome… 😁
„Herzlichen Glückwunsch zum Geburtstag“ in International Phonetic Alphabet (IPA), it is pronounced in Standard German as:
[ˈhɛʁt͡slɪçn̩ ˈɡlʊkˌvʊnʃ tsʊm ɡəˈbʊʁt͡sˌtaːk]
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Alien Pro Max.
It's better in your voice. 😀
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Congratulations, Hira! Best wishes...
Honor killings are an exotic and disturbing topic for us in Europe. However, it is one that has long migrated into our society.
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Hmmm... Immigrants carry their culture and problems along, it's only natural. I hope it's still not as bad as it's here with your strong legal system and human rights protections. These issues are not openly addressed here.
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It's a difficult topic. There have been cases where the media has blown things out of proportion. The public perception is that foreigners kill all their sisters/wives/mothers. Or rather, Arab foreigners. Later cases are then kept under wraps so as not to cause even more unrest. They come out anyway, and the public perception is that the perpetrators are being protected and the state is covering things up.
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Well, here in Pakistan, we’ve become quite open-minded — or let’s say, more modern. But of course, honour killings still occur, especially in remote areas.
That said, I do hold a slightly different opinion. I do not condone cheating — neither by women nor by men. However, with the internet becoming so easily accessible, some things are indeed taking a darker turn.
Just a few months ago, a gang was uncovered by security forces. They were allegedly involved in trapping young girls and women, and then leaking their private and inappropriate content online. As a result, those girls ended up putting their families' honour at risk — whether willingly or unwillingly.
Society wouldn’t allow them to continue living in the same neighbourhoods anymore. There were raids, arrests... But what about the other siblings? What about the parents? They too suffer, often in silence...
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I am unfamiliar with the term “cheating”: a person does not belong to anyone else... I would insist on honesty when it comes to other contacts; everything else is a matter of individual freedom, the quality of the relationship, and the situation.
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I beg to differ here. Oh, it will be a lengthy debate. 😉
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If you're ready... ;-)) So: the way I see it, no one belongs to another person. No one owns another person or has a right to them. This right can be granted to someone voluntarily, of one's own free will, in the sense of: “I am yours.” But this right can also be revoked. If it turns out to be a mistake or an error, if you develop in different directions. Not to mention, of course, abuse and psychological violence. But I also imagine that you don't commit exclusively to just one partner who may not fulfill certain needs or expectations. As long as this is lived in agreement and openness, I consider it completely legitimate.
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It is legitimate. But not ethical unless of course both partners agree on having a certain "freedom".
Having said that, I think loyalty is the most attractive quality in a partner and an unspoken promise in a romantic relationship. But yeah, if for some reason you are not satisfied or get interested in someone else (it's natural), be open about it, instead of going behing their back or what we say these days? "coldplay-ing" them. And expect the same from your partner. You then have no right to even get offended let alone murdering them.
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I see where you’re coming from, but I don’t fully agree. While no one “owns” another person in the sense of property, relationships, especially marriage, do involve a form of belongingness. Without it, there’s no real sense of accountability or commitment.
As you implied yourself, being open about it is the key.
Now, if you don’t believe in the institution of marriage, that’s your personal choice; no one can tell you otherwise. But when you do choose to enter into it, you’re accepting its boundaries and responsibilities, whether religious, legal, or personal.
You can’t have the benefits of commitment while ignoring the obligations that come with it. If your feelings change, honesty and transparency are the way out, not secrecy or as we say cheating. Otherwise, it’s not just a matter of “rights” being revoked; it’s a breach of trust you agreed to uphold in the first place.
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I think that's exaggerating.
Possible. It happens.
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A belated happy birthday. Today, we see honour justification rather than honour killing. I see instances where a woman is referred to as "Belgium" and a man is free, and the woman is thought to have lost her dignity; this is better explained by a biological statement. To this day, I'm not entirely sure why; perhaps it's because a man can get away with it without any noticeable consequences in our society of double standards.
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Belgium? I haven't heard this label before.
Yeah doesn't apply to men so they get away with it. But the problem is it doesn't even apply to their flings, only to their wives, daughters and sisters.
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It actually comes with a different meaning in my country: "a vehicle spare part that has already been used and imported down to another country to be used again." The concept is quite parabolic.
It's a pity that their double standard affects the people they should love more; this is an evil act. Like I said, I don't have a book that can erase this imagery painted in your mind by this novel. If you love music, you can listen to it, but our daily encounters are more fierce than this, aren't they? Anyways happy 33rd birthday
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I'm back to my happy place — reading fantasy fiction. I can happily read violence and crime stories but it's cultural tragedies that are more disturbing.
And thank you for the wish. 🙂
Pleasure is ours! You are my kids favourite auntie. It was just a small gesture.❤️
I may borrow the book from you... I'm intrigued now.
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You gave me a memory that I will cherish forever.
Anytime.
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Happy belated birthday!