Lovely picture you got there!
We have more in common than you are aware of.
After dozens of relationships that did not really work, I finally found the love of my life. This was it, I felt 100% certain. So we started a family. She gave me 2 daughters and then one morning she just did not wake up. She was 25 and left me with a 4 and a 1 year old daughter. It was winter and it remained winter for years, I could not enjoy anything anymore. Food, music, company,... they were all shades of grey. Only my daughters had colour, on a grey background.
They are 15 and 18 now, and to some extend colours have returned around me.
According to the Bible Jesus once said: "I lived, I died and yet I live".
I can say the same thing.
And so can you.
I hope you find some help in this.
Enjoy your new family!