Napped
Hey, the little guy has a poo. I am going out to hang out the washing. Can you deal with it?
The Good Lady peered at me closely.
I looked like a burst testicle. I was hungover as a dog. More so than usual for a Sunday, it seemed. I vaguely remembered the beers last night. They had been very strong.
After a couple I had become a Beer Buccaneer. Marauding the Beer highway with abandon.
It had all been quite magic.
Till today.
I opened my mouth to answer the Good Lady.
Ooo.
I cooed softly at her.
Oh for fuck sake. You are a pure state. Change his bloody nappy. I will be back in ten minutes.
Oo... Ooo?
I called pitifully after her but it was no use, she had left the room. I looked over at the Little Boom. He was rampaging about the lounge with a toy car. He stank of shit.
It was particularly strong, more so than normal.
I didn't want to do it.
But I had to. It was the curse of parenting. The loss of all self-respect and covering yourself in another mortal's shit.
FML.
I reached out and grabbed the Little Boom.
Right little man. Time to clean you up.
In moments I had his nappy off.
Oh SWEET JEEBUS?!? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!
His poo was no mere poo. Nothing earthly could have created this clay-like muck that lined his lower torso. It was everywhere. It was fetid. It stank.
I could do nothing but stare at it whilst a vein in my temple pulsed hotly.
Suddenly, an angelic voice tinkled out like the calming babble of a cool and clear mountain stream.
Daddy, I will do it for you if you like?
It was the Little Lady. She was standing nearby, staring down at the brown mucky pool that the little boom was ensconced in.
The Little Lady was only 6 years-old. She was a bit young to be landed with changing her little brother's nappies. I mean that would be shit parenting right there.
I mean it would, wouldn't it?
No, I couldn't. No matter how hungover I was. That would be a dick move.
Really, little lass. You really want to?
Somehow, whilst mentally arguing over the rights and wrongs of letting the Little Lady help a brutha out my voice had just gone full-on rogue.
Yes, Daddy. I would love to!
She beamed, obviously loving this big sister gig that she had.
A few minutes later the Good Lady came in.
Daddy?!
I looked up from my phone. The Little Lady was halfway through a nappy changing and appeared to be a sterling job.
The Good Lady in a very wifely way did not look at all pleased. She glared at me and then the Little Lady.
Just this once ok. But no more. It's not your job to be doing such things.
She stomped out of the room.
The Little Lady looked up at me, her brothers nappy successfully changed.
I think Mummy was a bit annoyed. I guess I won't be changing any more nappies?
She said sadly.
I winked.
Never mind Mummy, lass, I will let you change as many nappies as you like.
Sorted.
Yes the good old nappy changing days! What fond memories of the one time that I did it!
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Oooo. Commenting through PalNet! I have only contented a few times through there.
Yes indeed, awful dark times these nappy changing times are!! :0)
"I mean that would be shit parenting right there." yes. indeed. in more ways than one ;0)
Haha! I know!!!! Awful awful behaviour from your truly!!
I think an increase in pocket money is on the cards. That is a winner whatever way you look at it and a great result. next Saturday you can drink many more beers and have no worries. Little Boom needs to stop eating meat so they don't smell so bad. My grandson has done some shockers recently and loves the noise of farts that he actually stops to try and get them louder now. You can see the concentration on his little face and you just know what is coming.
Haha, the little boom also does that with farts. It might not bode well for when they are toilet training!!
He hardly eats any meat, maybe that's the problem. They are horrid though
I think nappy changing is really the only reason to have the first child.
I find myself in hearty agreement with you there!! But it opens the mind, what other chores can they be tasked with. I may break her will yet!
Trying to upvote some comments from planet.io. I've got 3'000 in palpower but not a nudge. Any ideas as to why?
I have almost 2600, just checked. Will try a 25%er!!
Edit - not a sausage!? That's weird
I think there is a time delay before the vote value shows up, it's there now
Hmmm interesting! I need to do some more figuring out!
Edit: yes it's on a delay.
Funky though eh! I will be doing some figuring myself. I might buy some but a part of me wonders how long the hype will last for it will it be a permanent thing...
I have about 2600 and haven't seen much unless I do a big big percentage. We must still be minnows!!
Can she reach the shelves in the fridge where you keep the beer? That might be a good start.
Haha, I dread to think!!
Strangely, they seem to enjoy it, at that age,
It is one way to increase the Father/Daughter thing, and it helps the hangover.
It certainly did help and she did!
Make the most of it while it lasts.
In years to come, the story will have changed to " My Dad MADE me change my little brothers shitty nappy"
BOOM!
Ha!! Awesome!! Cheers man!!
I do believe that the little sibling is not the responsibility of the older one BUT I also believe if they want to help let them.... before you know it they are teenagers who want to do NOTHING. So you ride the wave while you can and just tell yourself the whole time |"I am preparing them for life" hahaha
Hehe, I feel guilty about it
She was genuinely so keen and I was so rough. I shall let get be a child and never do such things for a while yet!!
As parents we tend to feel guilty about everything so do not be too hard on yourself - they are much more adaptable than we think.
That's how I'm going to think!
Start them young. First it’s nappy’s, soon it will be vacuuming, then mowing the lawn ... then driving you home from the pub!
I remember when my dad grudgingly agreed that I was allowed to mow the lawn. I had basically begged to do it every day after that. I believed it was a rite of passage.
Today, as I mow the lawn, I realize I should have waited as long as humanly possible.
Hehe, I was exactly the same with painting. I had this impression that it was a rite of passage and everyone I lift a bloody paintbrush nowi all kinds wtfunkz!?
Ha ha ha lucky you have a sweet darling Little Lady eagerly and lovingly wants to do it for her bro nappies. Sweet.
Yeah, I am looking forward to her picking up the rest of the slack :0)
😂😂 ok that’s good
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