I like your story with your friend. I think there's some valuable things to be learned about that exchange:
- The person asked to be criticized, basically
- The person criticizing cared about the other person's feelings and so presented it in a manner that was caring
I think without both of these components, one or both people will be upset. Either you have someone giving un-asked-for criticism, or on the other end, you have someone offering perhaps well-needed criticism in a manner that doesn't consider their feelings.
I make the mistake many times of giving un-asked-for advice. I'm trying to to discern between someone coming to me to vent, and someone seeking a solution.
I struggle with that too. Learning to just listen is challenging. You make an excellent point that when asked it’s only fair for it to be given regardless of feelings. only a few people are brave enough to request change in a polite way. In this case, my friend called me out on a matter I was blinded too. I couldn’t be more grateful. I’m sure I do it often and have annoyed or worse offended others. Without this person I wouldn’t even be aware.