So easy to fall into the trap of appearing to be DOING the right thing,

This is my killer, keeping my side clean. To achieve this i need to go through a few things which lead to the other sides "wrong" outweighing mine thereby removing me as the focus.

Not only for outside parties but almost mostly for me since it is also a way to avoid conflict. It depends though if the issue is emotional or with myself then I do tend to then remove the good and the bad aka I shut down. I will especially refuse myself good to prove that I don't need it thus the opposing party should also be able to. As for your situation I think that you do need to process all the thoughts and emotion and the best place to be is the aftermath where you are able to critically look at it and say wtf where you thinking until then there is still too much "hope" which leads to "regret" or weighing "options" . It should be a case of being able to make a clean cut decision then you are in the right place.