Amidst the Storm

Sitting in front of my laptop, the lid was down, the room was in darkness, I just put my head on it and said to myself, "To me, I got nothing except you, none to understand me, none to help me out except you. You got all the possibilities and me, whether to pull me up or let me go down in life."

People, no matter how close they are, no matter how much you did for them, no matter how many struggles you are facing for them, they will also be like, "You didn't do that for me, you failed on this, you let me down on this," and the list keeps going.

Me inside, "What about the world I did for you?"

Eah, I know I am a failure, I have failed in a lot of things, making the people who are relying on me suffer, not delivering what I had promised them. But am I doing them intentionally? Ain't I doing more than I could? Ain't I trying my best to keep up with the needs? Still, these don't matter; all they would see is the suffering they are going through, not what I am tackling with a smile, which would be a thousand times heavier than theirs.

Sometimes, I feel like this is the end, I can't push myself anymore, let's quit. But again, if I quit, then it would brown a few more with me, and I can't let this happen to them knowingly. Eah, I have never harmed anyone with my consciousness, never wanted to be the reason for anyone's suffering, nor have I intentionally dragged anyone into illusions. They knew the worst cases, they knew the sufferings that may come with the steps, yet they chose to consider the bright sides only. Now that things have gotten worse, all the blame is on me. Yeah, I do acknowledge all the faults and blame, whether I did or not, but I would also expect recognition of the struggles and hardships I am going through and the littles I am still delivering and will be doing..