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Hahahaha. As they say, the question isn't why. They question is always HOW?

Was a skunk ape after her? Did she get away?

Oh no, I'll be having nightmares... Just a thought: if she got away, it would definitely be published in the morning paper. - under "And Now With The Bizarre:" category.

Who runs through the woods in their underwear?

My best advice at this point would be to go door to door in your neighborhood with exactly this questions. :D

1% to 1%: when it comes to reputation, we have everything to gain.

Maybe I should ask people to try it on?