In the second half of marriage, it’s not love we’re fighting for

I once came across a quote:

“What truly breaks marriages isn’t the trivial matters, but the emotions behind them.”

Two individuals journey together through the river of time, experiencing the mundane routines, savoring life’s beauty.

What we seek is nothing but understanding and acceptance of each other’s emotions, not careless indifference.

To make a marriage last, love alone is not enough

Someone once revealed the reality of marriage:

“While love is beautiful, it cannot sustain a lifetime of fireworks.”

Especially when couples step into the latter half of marriage, the once intoxicating romance and passion are often worn down by the day-to-day routine and trivialities.

Pressures, responsibilities, and endless trivialities in life come pouring down like feathers.

Relying solely on the initial fervor of love is no longer sufficient to sustain the warmth and harmony of a marital relationship.

Such was the case for Noah and Emily.

Before marriage, they were drawn to each other by their unique charms, experiencing sweet and intense emotions.

However, once they entered the realm of marriage, they had to confront various differences in personality, perspectives, and approaches to handling household matters.

Emily, independent and possessive, had a strong desire for control, while Noah was somewhat indecisive, lacking the necessary decisiveness and responsibility.

These differences often made it difficult for them to reach consensus when facing issues in married life, leading to constant conflicts and arguments.
Their marriage became like a besieged city, with both of them wallowing in self-pity and hurting each other.

Eventually, after a heated argument, Emily chose to leave home, and Noah left their shared home as well.

In the end, to make a marriage last, love alone is not enough.

It requires the ability to hold each other’s hearts when facing conflicts and differences with rationality and tolerance, to understand, communicate, and reconcile.

Facing life’s trivialities and challenges, being able to support each other, grow together, and courageously and wisely solve problems, jointly embracing the ups and downs of life.

Only in this way can a marriage blossom with enduring fragrance amidst the fireworks, making love even stronger and more beautiful in the river of time.

Relations devoid of empathy only grow farther apart

There’s a quote:

“I once thought the worst thing in the world was growing old alone.

Later, I realized the worst thing was growing old with those who make you feel alone.”

Research has shown that empathy is an indispensable ability in both social relationships and interpersonal interactions.
Especially in intimate relationships, the role of empathy is particularly significant.

It can promote the harmonious development of intimate relationships and enhance emotional connections.

And enduring marriages often rely not only on superficial peace and compromises but also on care and understanding in the details.

My friend Sophia said she got divorced.

The reason was simple: she couldn’t bear her husband’s indifference and detachment.

In her husband’s eyes:

The floors at home don’t need cleaning, and the toilet is never dirty;

The meals are cooked by herself, and the clothes are washed and neatly folded by herself.

Every time he came home, her husband would comfortably lie on the sofa, either watching videos or playing games, as if all household chores were none of his concern.

Whenever Sophia talked to her husband about her exhaustion, he would only verbally agree, but in his heart, household chores and childcare were not his concern.

He couldn’t understand his wife’s difficulties, let alone share and support her.

Sophia angrily and despairingly said:

“I can earn money by myself, and I can take care of the children by myself.

I healed from postpartum depression by myself, wiped away my tears by myself.

In his eyes, I’m a superhero, capable of anything. I don’t want such a marriage.”

Long-lasting marriages are inevitably built on the foundation of empathy and understanding.

Only when both parties sincerely care for and understand each other, and jointly shoulder the responsibilities and obligations of the family, can the marriage last and be full of happiness.

Being good at understanding and empathizing makes marriages last longer

There’s a saying:

“The deepest emotions often lie in the most ordinary lives.”

In the day-to-day mundane life, true understanding and empathy require us to patiently listen, observe carefully, and learn to see things from the other’s perspective.

To maintain a long-lasting relationship, the following three points are crucial:

(1) Empathize with each other’s emotions, don’t belittle or criticize

In marriage, empathy is not just about understanding, but also about being able to think from the perspective of the partner.

When the other half encounters difficulties or is feeling down, try to temporarily set aside your own perspective, delve into their inner world, feel their joys and sorrows at the moment, instead of immediately giving advice or passing judgment.

Even in moments of disagreement, maintain a heart of respect and tolerance, communicate in a calm tone, and avoid sharp words that could become stumbling blocks to emotions.

“I can feel your frustration right now, I know you’ve been silently working hard, I see all your efforts.”

Words like these not only show your understanding and care but also bring warmth and comfort to your partner.

Through empathetic communication, two people can further close the distance between their souls, and trust and understanding will be sublimated to a deeper level.

(2) Reduce negative expressions and increase positive feedback

In marital relationships, excessive negative expressions undoubtedly damage the emotional bond between both parties.

As language is a communication tool in marital relationships, its choice and use are crucial.

Reducing negative words, such as accusations, complaints, and sarcasm, and instead replacing them with more positive and constructive feedback can greatly enhance the emotional value and happiness of both parties.

Try changing phrases like:

“How many times do I have to say it?”

to

“I feel this issue is important to us, and I hope you can assist me in solving it.”

and

“I’ve told you before, but you just don’t care!”

to

“I noticed your effort this time, it makes me feel reassured, I believe we can do better.”

In marriage, the best strategy to solve problems is to maintain your own viewpoint while engaging in dialogue with a respectful and accommodating attitude toward the other party’s needs.

Sometimes, just changing our expressions can change the entire outlook of the marriage.

(3) Tell each other: “You still have me” when facing challenges, to instill courage and confidence in each other.

In life, difficulties and disappointments are inevitable, but when we firmly tell our partners:
“You still have me.”

Such a commitment not only conveys deep love and unconditional support but also gives the other person the courage and confidence to face challenges.

Simple words like these let partners know that no matter how stormy the outside world is, home will always be their warmest harbor and the solid support they can rely on.

In such a commitment, partners gain armor for moving forward and draw strength for overcoming difficulties.

Such mutual support and reliance are the solid foundation for a lasting and stable marriage.

Because we deeply understand that in this long journey, the most trustworthy and dependable thing is each other.

In conclusion

I once read a passage:

“I had the idea of divorce because it’s simple, not because you’re poor, but because you never change;

I’ve been considerate of you everywhere, tolerant everywhere, yet you make me feel like I’m the worst woman in the world;

From full of joy to complete despair, you’ve exhausted all my enthusiasm…”

The worst thing in marriage is feeling alone even though your partner is right there beside you.

May we deeply understand each other’s difficulties, learn to empathize and communicate sincerely, and together bear the responsibilities and burdens of the family.

Cherish each other, nurture with care, and let love dwell in the river of time forever.