From Numbness to Clarity: My Ongoing Healing Journey with Depression
I’ve been living with major depressive disorder (MDD) for a while now. For many people, depression is a word they casually throw around when they feel a little down. For me, it became a quiet war I fought every single day - invisible to the outside world, but loud in my mind.
It’s been over two years since I began medication and therapy. If you think that means I’m “all better now,” I’d gently say: it’s not that simple.
Healing Doesn’t Look Like Productivity
I still sleep more than most people my age. I often take long naps on weekends because I feel drained even after a full night’s rest. Some say I’m lazy, but the truth is, my body still feels like it’s recovering from years of mental exhaustion. And I’ve stopped trying to justify that to people who don't understand.
Stable Doesn’t Mean Motivated
My mood is more stable now - fewer crashes, less emotional chaos. But motivation? That’s still an uphill climb. Even simple routines like eating, showering, and brushing my teeth feel like checkboxes on a survival list. I still push myself to complete them every day because I believe healing also means showing up for myself, even when no one’s watching.
Some days I feel like I should be doing more - working harder, achieving more, being more "normal." But I’ve learned that healing isn’t a race. It’s a rhythm, and mine is slower than I’d like, but it’s mine.
Boundaries Are Hard but Necessary
One of the hardest things I’ve learned is how to set boundaries - with work, with toxic people, with my own guilt. Sometimes, saying no feels like failure. But I’m learning to choose peace over people-pleasing, even when self-doubt creeps in afterward.
What Keeps Me Going
- Therapy taught me to name my feelings without shame.
- Medication gave me a foundation to feel a little more in control.
- My partner - quietly supportive, never rushing me.
- Small wins like finishing a meal or opening the window on a hard day.
And maybe... writing this post is another small win.
To Anyone Still in the Fog
If you’re still in the thick of it, if brushing your teeth feels like climbing a mountain, you’re not lazy. You’re surviving. And that’s no small thing.
Healing doesn’t always look like yoga or green smoothies or quitting your job to find your passion. Sometimes, it looks like sleeping in and still showing up the next day.
I’m not fully healed. I don’t even know if I’ll ever be. But I’m more self-aware, less ashamed, and a little kinder to myself than I used to be.
And for now, that’s enough.
Have You Been There Too?
If you've walked a similar road, I’d love to hear from you. What’s one small habit that helps you keep going?
Thanks for reading. If this resonated with you, feel free to upvote or share. Your support helps me continue writing, and maybe—healing.