RE: Nanomancer Creative Writing Competition Entry: Fall of the Dwarves - Part 1 by @SteemPowerPics
Good world building - lots of "telling" vs showing, but the narrative pace is swifter when we use exposition instead of as-it-happens, Deep POV narrative. Phrases like "Just then" are red-inked in fiction workshops, nowadays (I didn't make that one up). So also are "echoes" - two paragraphs in a row beginning with the same words - especially when the words are considered "Passive Voice" -- There was nothing follwed by *There was a smell, a smell in the dust kicked up that was disturbingly * -- (was, was, was) -- but these are easy edits to learn how to make in our own first drafts. Fiction Workshop at Discord is a great place to go for help with that. I need to post something on the ubiquitous comma splice - shows up everywhere these days. E.g. It's just dust, they continued to look around. As I said, this kind of editing is the easy stuff. The hard part is world building and character development and getting readers to CARE. Well done!
Thank you Carol, I appreciate the feedback and guidance. I am definitely not professional writer by any means, this was my first crack at it. I'm sure my old high school grammar teacher would have a field day with this. :-)
My goal was to set the back story scene and not create any specific characters since we are in the early conceptual stages and it is being created over time by many contributors. I imagine it like a cut-scene in a game or general action scene in a movie where we can all go back in later and add the direct character interactions happening within the moment in time to make those personal connections. At this point we haven't even been give the task of deciding what the other types of creatures in the world look like.