I was thinking that when writing my comment. I understand what you are saying. Wishing I could say more on why I understand you but... public forum right.
The way I am seeing it is you put yourself out to give your loved ones something that is out of this world. To Willow, I bet it seemed like he was in a fairytale land. You gave this little one such a great start that most cannot give in this way. So I congratulate you. Your hardships sure paid off and you did what every great mother would do.
At the same time, I hug you. Loneliness is not everyone's friend and for such a long time too. You are a mother like no other. I believe that you did your body and soul some good as I know for sure that being in a place like that gave you some healing. Whether it be the true water from the mountains, the clean air, the purity of the ground your feet touched. Cannot find that in the cities. But everything comes at a price small or big.
Live in harmony my friend. Life can be an amazing thing. You are an amazing life :)