Sounds like Salmonella. have you had any underprepared poultry products in the last 24 hours? On the bright side, there's nothing like peeing out of your butt six times a day with a splitting migraine to make you appreciate literally everything else in the world other than that.
Got a pack of rabid wolves infesting your back yard? Fuck it. I'll take that over what I've got going on now. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life....or maybe the next day...hopefully not longer than that.