You are viewing a single comment's thread from:

RE: Jökull Inspired Poetry – Oivas’ Entry

in #poetrybounty6 years ago

The structure, the rhythm and repetition here really carry the sentiment of the music. You open with such strong, striking imagery, gosh! You evoke so much of a desert, without ever mentioning it, and you bring in such feelings of perseverance, of struggle and yet, there is a hint of determination in even having made the attempt.

The idea of waiting for defeat and of that desperation gives a whole new depth to the notes of the music, longing for an end that doesn’t come. The soft whisper from within is a really moving line, the idea that the salvation longed for during in the battle fought rested within - and came out as a whisper heard once someone had fallen to their knees, on the very edge of giving up. Yet still, it isn't enough to force the body on. The way you blur the line between a physical and emotional struggle is so wonderful, and then mirroring the cut in the song with a cut in determination, a refusal to give up, the spirit surging forth in determination.

I just really love the two lines that reflect each other, both in hopelessness, and then in hope and resolution. The idea of promises appearing too hollow, this really is a poem of truth

My body though was beaten low,
All promises appeared too hollow.

You put it so simply and it couldn’t carry the meaning better, that feeling of having been hurt, been through so much, that hoping and believing seem too much, and even the most sincere promise sounds hollow.

No wonder poetry won her over for you ;) as if you have been hiding this talent away since then!

#sbi-skip

Sort:  

So I still have the touch? Hmm.. Let me try it on my wife today. 😊

Thanks @calluna, your assessments are so objective that it is so interesting to read.

Posted using Partiko Android

It is so very easy to project onto things, and especially when I am commenting for a group contest I really try not to, I am sure I still do as its impossible to be totally objective, especially with something as emotive as poetry, and this piece particularly allows a lot of room for that, which i really enjoy, it makes it possible for the poem to resonate with readers in lots of different ways. You have put an lot in here and it is beautiful. I am glad that my reflections were interesting, I always equally enjoy seeing how people read things. I feel poetry more so than stories can take on life between the person who made it and the one who reads it, taking parts from both of them to become something new, a little beyond the control of both.

You go wow her ;)

#sbi-skip

That's so true. "Miles to go before I sleep" has so many connotations and each unique between the reader and Robert Frost.

Thank you @calluna! 😊

Posted using Partiko Android