How I Survive as a Broke-Ass Parent
How do I survive raising my three kids as a widowed, broke mom? Beg, Borrow, Steal! Just kidding. I don't have anyone to borrow from.
I'll walk you a 3 different types of day.
1st type of day: Payday
Yahoo! I'm riiich, bitch! I pay my rent, car payment, car insurace, phone, water bill, electric, and garbage. Nothing is included in my rent, with the exception of an annoying owner who likes to drive by my place and complain to the property managers very often. Then I an email saying, "The owner drove by and they are very displeased with the appearance of the yard." So I send an email with a pic of my totally tidy, green lawn.
After all that, I don't have a ton left. I go spend way too much on groceries, come home and break it all down into ingredients that go together for meals. If I don't, my kids will get into anything that isn't raw meat and gobble it up. I put some snacks in the snack cupboard, and the rest of the snacks in various hiding places around the kitchen. Do your kids not cook or wash dishes? Try stashing their Takis in the crock pot.
I find something fun to take the kids to. Maybe a movie (I stash snacks in an oversized purse, like every mom in every sitcom, and I use as many coupons as I can get away with.)
I collapse onto the couch I sleep on, because introverts tend to collapse at the end of days where they're around too may people.
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2nd Type of day: Middle of the Month
We're out of everything. Everyyyyything. So I head to Walmart. I swing by the gas station, put in 5 bucks and pray to the god of the simulation that I make it home without walking. I still have a little bit of money, so I can buy groceries, but not the good stuff. Like a lot of others who've struggled with drinking issues, I'm left with a lifelong addiction to pop. Or Soda. Or whatever you like to call it. No more diet Pepsi or Sprite Zero now. I'm drinking Shasta. Yuck. It's still a first world problem, though. At least it has bubbles.
On my way home, I drive with the windows down. Gas is so stupid-expensive that I can't even think about the A/C, and I'm super awesome at hitting every single long red light.
I get home, separate things into recipes like before. Instead of the good cheap stuff, like tacos or or pork roast, I'm making my kids English muffin pizzas, mac n cheese, spaghetti, PB and J, tuna sandwiches. You know. Poor food. I try to put some sort of veggie or fruit with each dinner, but it ends up being canned fruit cocktail at this point, because I already have dozens of cans. I don't even remember where they came from. Maybe I should check the date on those...
I kick a kid off the computer (always a good time) and apply for a bunch of at-home jobs. I usually don't hear back. I'm still trying though. I need a second job or side hustle to bridge the end of the month gap. End of the day? Crash on the couch.
3rd type of day: 9 days before payday
We're out of everything again. This time it sucks a lot more though, because I've got maybe $20.00, and the internet service has been cut.
I'll get it back on payday, but we've all become so used to having internet that the kids and I are all going a little crazy. My oldest is prepared; She listened to me and downloaded a bunch of music, YouTube videos and episodes of Netflix shows before we lost WIFI. She's an artist, so she listens to stuff and draws. My middle kid, though? She's losing her shit. She's sick of having crappy food and no WIFI, and I don't even blame her. My youngest tends to just hand out with me and watch the episodes of Bob's Burgers that I've downloaded, even though we've seen them a hundred times.
I walk to Walmart to check my email, just in case I got a job. Occasionally I'll make the second round, but I haven't gotten a job yet. I try not to get discouraged, but being around carts full of good stuff isn't great for the soul.
When I get home, I take my car to the gas station. This time I put in $2.00. I'm super glad I make it to the food bank, so I fill out my form and wait. And wait. When it's my turn, I have to have a small interview. The person doing the intake is super nice, but I feel like an asshole anyway. They turn me loose on their store (yes, they call it a store) and I take my cart straight to the meat freezer, since I know it is often empty. It is. Damn! I find some oatmeal, spaghetti noodles, and something that says it is spaghettis sauce, but I happen to know it is lying to me. The brand is Pampa and it tastes super duper crappy. I take a can of diced tomatoes, though, and plan on adding a shit-ton of salt and all the seasonings that go into real spaghetti sauce. I find some oranges, a whole bunch of canned fruit salad (aha! mystery solved on the fruit salad) brown rice (is it possible to cook brown rice without it being hard? I have never been successful at this and I don't know why) a lot of over-ripe bananas, and a half gallon of milk.
When I get home, I have my two older kids help me drag in all the stuff, and my youngest helps me put it away. They've been fed, but deprived of the stuff they like, so I let them have at it. There really aren't any god snacks to hide, so I go straight into trying to cook am approximation of spaghetti. Fortunately, my kids aren't picky eaters, so they're a little bummed to be eating spaghetti, again. They're good sports, though.
We eat around the table, doing our Spanish course on the nearby computer screen, since it is downloaded. We're prepping to move to Mexico. The kids goof off and laugh, and I feel really lucky I can still feed my kids without stealing anything.
Stealing. Why did that remind of something I need to do. Crap. That's right, forgot to get toilet paper. There's a construction site pretty close by, so I walk to it (it's dark by that point.) The porta-potty isn't locked, yay! I unroll about 20 feet of TP and stuff it in my purse.
I fashion a TV antenna out of a coax cable, and I'm able to get some over the air TV, which I haven't seen since the last time the WIfi was off. Tonight, an episode of the old Twilight Zone is on. Score! I'm sleepy from way too many carbs, and I crash a few minutes into the Twilight Zone. I have some sort of really weird dream, based on the dialogue from the Twilight Zone.
I'm glad for the food bank. If it wasn't there I'd have to get real creative to feed my kids. Steal? Sell my socks to creeps on the internet? It would be something crappy, so I'm really grateful. I wish I wasn't broke though. Back to the job hunt I go...