Talking to myself again

I did this one a couple nights ago while chatting away on PHC discord...

Image by yuehong Zhang from Pixabay

Has anyone ever had a time in their life when things went right, when all your dreams came true and all you asked for came to you for the asking?

I don't know anyone at all that is thriving

Not one

Is lack how it is supposed to be?

Striving

Lifetimes of striving

For what

And if you get it you just strive for more or something else

Is there no satisfaction

No contentment

Is there no end to striving?

I don't know what I want, but I know I haven't got it yet

If I work harder for longer I'll get more, and maybe that will do it

But I'm trapped

In my circumstances

And more excuses come

And explanations

And boundaries

Like some never ending conveyor belt

Sending stuff to be known

Where is the peace

When will there be contentment?

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Fear

One of the 5 great barriers to enlightenment

Is that which frightens you in some way

That says you can't

Lip service to that brings misery.

Image by Social Butterfly from Pixabay

A wise man once told me that there were 5 barriers that keep us away from our truth

Anger, lust, fear, ego and greed

And then he said, but after these there are concepts

And concepts are the real barrier

And I thought: wow, but I'm all concepts from the ground up

I've got no chance

No fucking chance at all

So I went away and looked into my crystal ball and saw that it was telling me a Rumi thingy: remove all obstacles between you and your heart.

Image by Prettysleepy2 from Pixabay

And how do I do that I said to myself

In this prison without doors

As I was breathing in and out

And trying to meditate at the same time?

I had another series of thoughts that came and went

I'm forgetful these days

I can't remember one thing from the time it comes to the time it goes without forgetting it.

Image by Alexandr Ivanov from Pixabay

But I always remember to breathe without even remembering it

Oh, I'm a big breather most of the time

Oh, yes

I can breathe through my nose too these days

I can also whistle and record it and add it all together until it sounds like there are hundreds of whistlers everywhere

But that's just an aside in my recording studios of life

As I think about timeless things

And get distracted

From what is real in my life

And looking around I try to see what is real in my life

I look left, I look right

I look up, and I look down

I look out, and I look in

And I just breathe for real, and for free

And no matter how I try, I can never say what it is.

Image by Rudy and Peter Skitterians from Pixabay

I'm not sure where I'm flowing

But I find myself in all the gaps and side spaces

Of everything I spy in the illusion

And shining out of them

Kind of like reaching through the prison bars for freedom

Many messages come, but only those are noticed in the din that come from letting my light burn.

Image by Georgina Gibson from Pixabay

Yes I surely am talking to myself

I do that a lot these days

And sometimes I drink wine, which makes it a whole lot easier in the quintessential bar at midnight.

Images from Pixabay