Lesbian Lightworker - Forged In The Flames Of Narcissism
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'Standing on the beach of shifting sands, I ask why my world is so torn.'
Torn between love and hate, fear and bravery, and confusion and clarity. The splintering of ways to live a life is a paradox of dwelling on Planet Earth, for I am but one human caught in the crossfire of differing beliefs and ideals that conquer the peace that many of us wish to attain. Instead, we argue about the weather or who is dating a friend or colleague. while feeling there is more to the heartbeat of each of us surviving a homeland of war, prejudice, and discontent. Our world keeps turning, but in strange and precarious ways. Shots fired at dawn warn of the coming of unusual times, as peace seems a luxury in the wake of leaders setting off the alarm. We watch the clash between dark and light and the brewing chaos in between. Where is the love we so eloquently feel when those in power call to arms their positioning on either side? This is no ordinary fight, but the war of who rules Planet Earth. It's an age-old conflict, but one that keeps coming around again. What is the answer to this ancient quarrel between conquering men? Surely, we have learned from history that war brings suffering and pain. I see the signs online and battleships parked close to my island home. The signs are like billboards dishonoring the peace our ancestors died for so that generations could be free. Is this a repeated pattern humanity cannot seem to release? The psychology of mankind is a problem waiting to be solved, as the programs we inherit keep us dancing to a negative and unhealthy tune. Why does it have to be this way? Are the cries of human anguish when leaders post the potential of another world war?
'Why do we continue to replicate the perversion of a past littered with memoirs of loved ones lost in war and children asking why they will never again feel the loving arms of their father in a world prone to war-like ways?'
The jury is out as humans navigate a life of echoes resonating with misdeeds of conflict, control, and cruelty, a common occurrence for many women being harassed, stalked, and raped, leaving them bleeding from the inside out. When will it stop, I wonder, as a woman who endured three decades of masculine abuse from a tyrant who was relentless in their pursuit to make a lesbian bow to their cruel and calculated will. This is my story of truth and how I was psychologically, financially, physically, and emotionally tortured on a day-to-day basis by a man who had the resources to back up their desire to contain and isolate me while hiring others to stalk me and work me into submission. This is true, and I feel it's time to talk openly about a journey of survival for thirty-plus years. The story begins in a workplace and a meeting that seemed friendly, but there was a darkness lurking in this man who had already decided I was to be more than a work associate, even though I was living with a woman at the time. In hindsight, I see this was just an obstacle to be removed in their plan to permanently own a lesbian woman with intimidation, trickery, and fear tactics so typical of the style imposed by narcissistic males lacking empathy for their victim of choice. The world is still getting to know these mask-bearing characters that appear amicable until their intention is set, and hell roars from the halls of Hades to accommodate their wants, needs, and desires while dishonoring the free will of others.
'This time in divine feminine history was written in blood as my life became a horror movie, with no theater exit or manual on how to endure.'
But endure I did through the storm of narcissistic control and cruelty played out like a pantomime of players employed to disempower my psyche. The light dimmed as I descended into the depths of a mind enticed by my energy and willing to do whatever it took to have it served like a vintage wine in a glass of monarchial privilege. What followed were years of attacks, smear campaigns, and hardship designed to weaken my belief that I was an independent woman capable of choosing her mates in a reciprocated mode of romance and choice. The die was cast in a clash of opposites and a battle of wills that saw me rise from the ashes of a disintegrated heart and determined not to be their victim. Instead, a powerful reminder to all who live in this earthly realm that we are sovereign and built to withstand the harshest critics of compliance and conformity. There is so much more to tell of a woman who thrust her sword into the soil of Planet Earth, commanding herself never to relinquish the parts of her she held dear to her empathic heart. For this, she was knocked down over and over again in a bid to desecrate her strength, a genetic gift from my English ancestors who fought in world wars so I and the abuser could be free. My ancient elders walked through fire and left traces in my DNA of their bravery, allowing me to rise through the pain and reclaim a life ravaged by narcissistic abuse. And rise I did, as this man was blind to my tenacious talents of intellect, intuition, and the ability to live an autonomous, authentic life. My desire to be free brought forth a strong survival instinct that challenged the fabric of this man's cruel and conquering spirit.
'The ending was supposed to be surrender, but I flipped the narcissistic script.'
I saw the cracks in their manifesto as patterns preserved in their psyche and belief systems that women are submissive creatures ruled by men with force if needed. This old guard thinking was out of sync with a free-spirited musician/singer who spent many years in studios and on stages working in unity with like-minded musos, a world away from a seasoned trickster who showed no mercy in my containment and attacks that shocked me. To say I am sensitive is true as an empath born to breathe lightness into an unhealed world. A lesbian lightworker with a generosity of spirit and empathy for those wounded in earthly spiritual wars. This was me in a fierce fight of freedom versus enslavement. On one side was I with little support; on the other, an army forged in the fire of dishonor. Frequencies flared in a match of opposites, calling on heaven and hell to settle a score written across my ancestry. A plague on my bloodline by a deceptive, manipulative game player. This man embraced the underworld like a cloak of honor as a devilish right to harm those who refuse to honor them. Evil walks in many forms as masks that hide a nature of willful intent. It glides through the wounds of a sensitive, empathic soul like a moth to the flame, honing in on past woundings hidden from view. When dark meets light, a contest begins, but with differing outcomes. While darkness lights the fuse as revenge for their past hurts, the light holds the mirror to reflect healing within and out. Humanity is tainted by the shadow side of the self and betrayal from loved ones and people who love to hate. The die is cast as males refuse their divine calling and rewind to times when love was power and marriages were strategically arranged.
'Our patterns are pinnacles of lost chances to evolve as we negate the gates to awareness and turn back the hands of time.'
And why?' Because it feels so familiar as a safety net to a fear of the unknown. My rise from narcissistic abuse is a hope for womankind. We have an opportunity to shed the role plays of a conquering compliant past for long, have we denied our dysfunction as something that can never change? This is the limiting mindset that we tell ourselves as a reason to stay in chains. The masculine who set their sights on me were blinded to my tenacious talents of intellect, intuition, and the ability to live an autonomous, authentic life. They saw a women who was born to comply. to hold her head low enough so her dreams would never see the light of day. This is the plight of so many women on earth as they strip back their magic to accommodate conquering men who require an AI partner to feed their entitled ego. I was not that girl for dreams are passions that expand the mind and soul. The kingpin of creation that slips into human form for a journey of life, an ethereal dance of happenings and grandiose events. Soul gets to make love, hold a scented flower in their hand, while bearing more souls onto the earth through the miracle of birth. Life is not always a pleasurable party, as humanity has programs, patterns, and conditions stuck to them like superglue, as burdens of past love, family, or worldly leaders. In a narcissistic event, it's hard to see beyond the suffering, while the soul soaks up the ordeal like sparks of Nirvana light. The human carries the physical weight while the soul adds milestones to their ancient growth archives. It seems strange to talk about profit versus loss in an ordeal of horrific lesbian abuse, but the soul knows its date with divinity.
'The worst of times can be the make-or-break of a human life, and the elixir for soul growth.'
When the soul encounters the harsh realities of walking an earthly trek, there is a deeper knowing of the worth, and when this is revealed to its human counterpart, the awakening begins. That is the return to aligning with our source origin consciousness of love, purity, and unity. Simple ways to live a meaningful life of integrity and truth. How far we have wandered from the line of decency, calling in darker energies as a preference to peaceful alliances that encourage our divine assignment of purpose. Some are lost in a wilderness of choice, while others take the spiritual path to ascension. The remembrance of meeting oneself as a divine god or goddess on earth can be the bounce-back effect of a narcissistic event cleverly designed to expand or destroy the truth of who we are. The narcissist can no longer find solace in the depths of a conscious human and seeks refuge elsewhere where the grass is green enough to endorse their innate need for control and containment. The attraction they seek seems less appealing as we forge a union with our origin, the god of compassion and love, gaining strength in the powerful spiritual alliance. As a sovereign being, I understand my right to live a life of choices that encompass all living things and their free will. A respectful stance needed to bring unity to a disheartened planet of differences, played out as unsolved arguments. The clock is ticking for all humans to discard the past beliefs that we are separate due to our innate uniqueness. This is our power as creatures of diversity struggling to find our purpose and place as a collective species of infinite potential.
'I have grown from the narcissistic event that spanned more than three decades, and understand it is a reflection of our unhealthy patterns on a planet where mastery of self is still denied in favor of living in the shadow of others.'
It's time to pack the bags of ancient influence and embark on a path of pioneer spirit where all things are possible and new worlds are manifested eloquently into form. We come to earth as beacons of cosmic light wanting to kiss the hand of Nirvana through the good, bad, and ugly versions of experience. This is the soul's epic journey and its quest for the golden egg of enlightenment. There is plenty to learn as humans delve deeper into the psyche of darkness and light. This can be a walk on the wild side to uncover light where there is dark or awaken souls to the truth of their spiritual genesis. Life is a chess board of pawns with catalogues of contrast, arguing who gets to control our 3-D Garden of Eden as they trick us into believing we are not authentic, autonomous, or self-governable. It takes a wise human to see through the cracks and hold their ground as a person wanting a world of kindness and camaraderie. This is my story and my stand for all victims of narcissistic abuse, A conditioning that depletes love and compassion with little need for remorse. Together, we can connect and evolve victimhood in favor of healthy dynamics that aid the frequency of love. We can do it, as I am now in a situation that requires me to shift the vibes of harm and hurt to healing. As we climb from the trenches of a separatist world, our hearts awaken en masse as humans of worth and spiritual wealth. Now we are the age of sovereignty and self-love. Take a bow, people of Earth, for the work you have done as seekers of a victim-free world.