Miss. Opinionated : Technology Ruins Romance.
Technology makes things convenient
Back in the old days, chasing after a girl required the utmost bravery. Should you have passed the first hurdle of procuring the ladies' number (which itself took more bravery than you thought you had). The second hurdle of actually making the call to ask her out would have been and act of bravery worth writing to Mel Gibson about.
Nowadays, Smartphones have changed the landscape of the dating game. There are many more opportunities to avoid embarrassment as well as test the waters. For instance, text messaging through SMS or Whatsapp, you can have a casual chat to see how interested the other party is before asking them out. And just like that, the daunting phone call becomes a thing of the past.
Somehow, with the advent of these new technologies and apps, why does it seem that people are becoming more detached, lazy and more impersonal?
Lets take a look at some examples of how things used to be, compared to how they are now.
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To Call or Not to Call?The coveted phone call ..The typical response The way of the smart phone  A casual text message is all that seems to be required nowadays. How boring. How lazy. Me? I still prefer that sacred phone call. There's something about a nervous guy fumbling over his words and taking that extra step to make the call that just can't be substituted by text messaging. I like awkward silences. |
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The time before everyone on the planet shared everything about themselves over the internet (i.e. pre-facebook) Once upon a time, knowing a lot about someone you didn't know would have been considered stalking. And that's why, before the dawn of stalker friendly social networks like Facebook, people had to use real life people skills to land them a date. Admittedly, success rates were probably lower, advances were less flattering but they were at the very least, genuine. Enter facebook, and the age of volunteered withdrawal of privacy  Facebook stalking is an accepted and sometimes welcomed practice. It shows the man's commitment to finding out everything he can about you. Girls will take his stalker-ish behaviour as a sign of doing his homework, an act of endearment. Suddenly, it seems he has the right answer to everything.. but at what cost? To many, Facebook is a welcome tool to allow two people to get to know each other through mutual stalking before they decide on engaging in further dialogue or courtship. But what it takes away, is the opportunity to discover these things about each other, through real interaction with each other. Yes, you may score a date because you took a shortcut in finding out she likes sushi instead of steak. But does that make the man who plucked the courage ask you out for steak any less of a man who stalked your profile? In my opinion, no. |
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Pre-Tinder Pick-up artistry
The nightclub or bar used to be a popular place to meet a potential partner. Girls would idle at the bar looking like they're waiting for someone, and guys would make their advance often offering to buy the girl a drink. Girls would often dress suggestively and yet be offended by prying eyes. This is of course unless she likes the guy, in which case, the guy may buy her a drink and she'll pretend you're not staring inappropriately. Meeting people in a public venue seems to be becoming less popular as dating apps are becoming more and more prevalent. That is of course until everyone started using smart phones, and on their smart phones, accessing these "fun" dating apps. No doubt, whilst the taboo of meeting people from online persisted, those very people that perpetuated that taboo were secretly swiping away and probably having more conversations with strangers than ever before. Swipe Left, Swipe Right  At first, the "invention" of dating apps like Tinder, Grindr, Blendr (and the list goes on), would seem like liberation to single people. Now, the pick-up artist of a man can save money on getting tipsy before approaching a girl at the bar, and the girl can now avoid undesirable encounters with a simple swipe to the left. Both parties can now get away with posting flattering pictures of themselves for consideration. The problem is, these apps put so much emphasis on looks that it can often back fire. You really cannot tell whether those pictures of the "hottie" are real or not. Remember, before tinder, there was also photoshop. Before After 科技的发展给社会带来很多好处, 互联网方便了每个人的生活,智能手机让大家手里随时有个小电脑。但是科技的发展也在社交上带来一些副作用，人们因为网络带来的便利而变得更懒惰,情侣交往初期更陌生,我们来看一些例子。以前的男人要约女孩出来就要鼓出勇气打电话,并在电话中面对有可能被拒绝,现在简单发微信就可以轻松试探一下水温了。只要女生的回应不错就代表有机会,避免在电话中被拒绝的尴尬,其实这是不好的，因为会引起男人变懒惰。 微信没有办法显示出男人的诚意,在社交网站普遍之前，要到女生的联络方式很困难。因为女生都有厚厚的防御心墙，但是现在有了社交网站，就允许男人去做事先的准备和功课，从而去更加理解女目标。 以前的人比较注重隐私,现在的人就很乐意把生活的一切都发到网路上,现在要了解女生很简单 去看她的微博朋友圈就好了。现在有各种交友软件，开始改变人类交友的方式， 越来越多人开始用手机软件交友,为什么呢？因为可以省钱并省麻烦， 也可以排除你与不想认识的人接触,可是这些软件太重视外貌协会,照片经常不准,甚至有不少骗子,记得科技也给我们带来PS这个好工具。 |
Great post. Much wisdom and much of the comical here. I agree technology definitely has reduced romance and, as you say, so much is based on looks. The world has perhaps become more superficial as technology speeds up decision making. The real problem is that human beings are literally programed to be attracted to symmetrical faces. This has even been mathematically proven. Basically, when we see a face that is symmetrical the brain perceives this as a message of "healthiness" and "healthiness" means that person is ripe for reproduction. It is that simple. To prove this think of how we respond when we see a face that is dramatically out of shape. Perhaps a boxer has a crooked or over sized nose or someone has dramatically crooked teeth. Without even a thought we decide that this person is ugly. Or if we are more open minded we might say that they have an "interesting face" but we would certainly not say it was a beautiful one. This is so powerful that we are slaves to it and it affects our decision making without even realizing it. I was once in a bar in London and there was a beautiful (very symmetrical face) lady sat alone having a drink. There were two guys also sat the bar and both were of similar age. One guy had symmetrical face, and thus good looking, the other guy´s face was quite distorted. His nose was really big, his mouth was crooked with crooked teeth that were also discolored and one eye was lower than the other. Just to explain why I noticed such detail, it is because I am an artist who specifically trained in portraiture. Anyway back to the story. Now, the "ugly" guy went over to the lady and said this: "Hello, please excuse the intrusion, it is just that I wondered if you would like to have some company. I saw you were alone and I was alone and I just thought it would be nice to sharing a conversation with someone. Nothing more than that. My name is Geoff by the way". Well the lady looked at him as though he was some kind of monster and actually cringed backwards and responded:"Get away from me you creep". Which personally I thought was a bit harsh. And indeed the poor guy was really embarrassed and cringed away. The the other guy (the good looking one) whispered to him and said "Pathetic, let me show you how it´s done". Then he went over to the pretty lady and said ; Hey darlin, your hot, I´m hot, so how about you and me getting together. HI I´m Joe, let me buy you a drink". This time the lady reacted with her eyes widening and her face smiling. Now from my perspective of this little encounter success and failure were simply based upon looks alone. If you are ugly then you must be a creep. It is somewhat sad but 99% of the time it is true. In the country I live in, Norway, it is changing as more and more I see beautiful women together with "ordinary" looking guys instead of "model" type guys. I ma not sure why this is happening but it is true that the majority of the population are considered as "good looking" and so perhaps when everyone is such we start to look beneath the surface for the hidden beauty I don´t know. Enjoyed your post. Upvoted!
A quick and perhaps superficial search leads me to the determination that opinion is about evenly divided as to whether "intelligence" or "power" is the ultimate aphrodisiac. I didn't see much mention of "looks" at all as a contender for the top position. And "money" would seem to be a subset of "power", so is not really in the running.
I would contend that to achieve and maintain "power" in today's world, where physical force is secondary, it is necessary to have and utilize "intelligence".
My conclusion is that "intelligence" is the ultimate aphrodisiac. And it also might prove quite useful for those whose aim may be something other than finding the ultimate aphrodisiac, at least towards the carnal.
I think you're right in that symmetrical faces tend to be more attractive, and I have read some articles over the years about how this can subjectively determine how physically attractive a person is.
With your story, it seems like a classical example of good looks prevailing over the ugly. However, I would argue that sometimes looks can determine an individuals personality which can also determine a persons attraction quotient. For instance, an ugly person may not carry self confidence, or deliver refined social skills, they may be very introverted and be timid. A good looking person may come across very confident as well as being an extrovert. Something which may at first impression, stand out a little more.
Of course, in some of my other Miss Opinionated series, I have discussed the qualities of nice guys but with boring personalities vs the 'bad' guys who give women a sense of excitement. These traits cannot be overlooked as I believe they are inextricably linked with your perception of your own attractiveness. The more attractive you are, the more you give off the air of being a 'bad' guy etc.
As for changing norms and the shift to good looking women being with regular looking men, I think the explanation that seems obvious is that women are less interested in visual attraction. Aesthetics contribute a part of the attraction, but not all. More important is perhaps the ability for the male to provide security. A man who is unable to score with women on looks alone will likely appreciate and stick with their mate as opposed to a good looking man who may be fickle and attempt to mate with many partners.
(I'm trying really hard to not introduce the idea of money but clearly this factor invariably plays a role too.)
Indeed, very good points. As you say I think security is a factor also ans of course a confident personality helps. Still it all comes across as a kind of mating "game, however we analyse it. And in every game there are always winners and losers and so far those who have symmetrical faces have a distinct advantage over those who do not.
Interesting post! Technology is advancing at such a rapid pace now I don't think our brains can adapt to it quickly enough. Just wait until virtual reality hits mainstream in a few years, this will change human behavior even more drastically. I suspect birth rates will go way down, which would be awesome for the planet.
Agreed. I think even as it stands right now, the frameworks of society are playing catch-up to disruptive technologies. Virtual reality would only push that gaping hole further.
As it stands, I believe birth rates in the most developed countries have already stagnated, from a sustainability, and environmental perspective, I agree it would be awesome for the planet. However, I suspect that for those that be that govern world agenda, a sustained population growth is required for the expansion of their economies and monetary base. Without an increasing population, and by deduction a working population, a government would find it hard to sustain economic growth would it not?
yes, and then they want more immigration to the developed countries..
I think you're right! Countries will be competing for immigrants!
I used to think that the only way for capitalism to survive was perpetual growth. I even wrote this into the plot of my first novel Alarm Clock Dawn. Many economists believe there’s a more balanced approach to the economy that will allow capitalism to survive as resources dwindle and growth stagnates. Here’s a great piece in The Atlantic that explains more about that.
Historically, when resources are abundant population growth is an simple way to insure economic growth under the capitalist system. As natural resources continue to dwindle there will be a balancing point where it’ll be a major disadvantage for countries to have huge population growth. I believe that countries that creatively maintain the proper balance will be the ones that thrive in the coming years. The future will be interesting, for sure. We're going to see lots of change and innovation in our lifetimes. Thanks for this thought provoking article @sweetsssj!
"I suspect birth rates will go way down, which would be awesome for the planet."
Virtual reality, yes you mean in the homes right? But will it be everywhere in the world, what about the poor people? will they not still get a lot of children? So it will be less babies in the developing countries or what?
Technology doesn't "ruin romance" technology KILLS romance.
A romance without smartphones you will never know. That "Untechno" romance, I grew up in a place, and sorta time, no one had mobile phones.... but my teenage puppy love didn't know what the Fck a text message break up was.
good post as always.
What is your inspiration?
It seems to vary in severity depending who and what they've experienced. Of course, these examples are just a few of the many situations which many of us face today.
Smartphones have given us the ability to connect with people on a level never seen before. And yet, it seems that this 'power' can be wielded negatively as all too often we see people consumed by their phones in the presence of their friends, family and loved ones. How many times do you see people eating dinner together, and instead of talking to each other, they are messaging their friends not present at the table?
My inspiration actually comes from the fact that I often feel torn between the two factions. Because of my age, I was brought up at the cusp of these technologies taking hold on the masses. The hopeless romantic in me tells me I prefer the old-fashion traditional ways of meeting people, and yet the world around me has changed it's perspective on that.
[-]solarguy 64 · in 3 minutes
U r such a sweetheart.
Do you know/remember the first thing i ever said to you was?
Anyways..
Yea. I do miss those 'good ol days' but at the same time I do like things now. It's suitable for 36yo like me now. I hope the next generation will have it better than I do now. lol
I believe there will be no turning back to the "good old days", but people can create the life they want in the future with bitcoin, steem or what have we not...
In the end woman are woman and men are men...
No we can never go back. As I write this I'm listening to fallen greats, and that sucks. I also believe we create our own destinies, that aside, we are succumbed to our modern times and admit we can't give our kids the same happiness, our parents feel the same.
What do they say "go with the flow" or the ""flow will take you"
"The hopeless romantic in me tells me I prefer the old-fashion traditional ways of meeting people, and yet the world around me has changed it's perspective on that."
This is the essence of the topic. In the end I think people can still be courageous, both men and woman, boys and girls. Its about doing something outstanding with the person that you like. Then maybe love will happen. That's at-least my experience.
To be courageous is often "expensive" in some form and therefore it is rare. It is also dangerous, as there are no guarantee for "love success", both for the courageous woman and the courageous man.
There is actually still hope for old school romance since its special again to call. In a time where everybody is hooking up on tinder and co, the nobleman approaches a girl the traditional way and scores far better than those with a "hi, how are you?" msg online. Nothing is as boring as a dinner date. The best dates are still adventure dates out in the city/nature where you can learn far more about each other through real live interaction.
Let me answer for her: Her inspiration is life in Hong Kong as a young girl... she meet up with Ned, so talk about technology and friendship ?.
haha.
I read your post and I find it interesting to read what you think about the topic.
in 2005-2007 I was dating on dating sites, when most of my friends found it weird and dangerous. Today there are tinder and I guess I am too old or too overweight to get a date on tinder, I have tried and never got a match !...
I worked in the night life and saw peoples behaviors change over the years. I agree with what you write, that technology comes at a cost.
There are so many options today, that sometimes in the end no option is taken serious. I don't have the answer for a solution, but it is both interesting and a little terrifying to watch how the generations behaviors develop over time.
It's amazing how technology can disrupt society and the behaviours of people in that society to such a large extent. How something like using dating sites could be stigmatised and yet within the span of a decade become the norm.
I don't believe the vast majority of tinder users will meet their ideal partner. Of course there are ALWAYS exceptions, but with such simple metrics for determining whether you like someone or not, it's really overly simplifying the meaningful laws of attraction for relationships outside of innate carnal desires.
Of course, night life has yet to show any dramatic change because the dating apps will likely appeal to those who fared poorly in those situations and were a small fraction of the nightlife demographic in the first place. But of course, it's still a gradual shift that might tilt over at some point in the future.
I also don't know what option is truly best, and I guess that best solution is to go with the one that you feel most comfortable with. It's just that many people nowadays feel more comfortable eluding to real life interaction because it acts as a safety net for their own insecurities or shortcomings.
Technology could be an advantage but it also has its disadvantage. Mobile phone is a very useful gadget but if use without moderation it can destroy relationships. If a mobile phone can make a person who is far away from you near, then it can also make people around you go far. This happens to younger age of mobile phone users, they are always busy doing things with their mobile phone and usually forget that there are people around.
You are right, this is one severe problem that is affecting a lot of young people and it's systemic in nature. I think moderation should be a self regulated thing. Should you value your human interactions with people, there would be no need to engage in communications or mobile phone use in their presence.
Thanks for sharing. An interesting topic to which I don't feel I can add; you pretty much spoke my mind.
Upvoted and followed @sweetsssj
估计好多人想约甜心，试探一下水温 ， 哈哈 赞 :)
冬天水不够温哈哈：）
Everything has its pros and cons,most people abuses the software into something else,you got very particular point.
Excellent post! I enjoyed reading its entirety.
One thing I absolutely hate when going on a date with a girl is when they are focused on their phone. Thankfully this hasn't happened often, but I've seen couples or first dates where each person isn't even looking at the other and they're busy texting away. It completely destroys the intimacy and human interaction.
It works both ways, many men also claim to be on their phones for 'work' during dates etc. On the other hand, I feel that the excuse of work is also not very fair.
Great post @sweetsssj ! Definitely raises some questions as to where we're heading as a global community.... perhaps the best way forward is to consistently have articles such as yours come up around us because the technology is going to arise either way. The tech is inevitable. I think it can be approached from the point of view that "okay here's a new technology ... how am i going to use it and what are my views about it. " Then share those views and raise questions. That way the tech will keep changing but the people will atleast engage in discussion before blindly following the new tech......keep up the interesting posts! Upvoted n following:)
Thank you. I also share the view that technology is going to keep moving forward, and it will become a challenge to build acceptable models of behaviour around rapidly improving technologies, particularly ones that could ignite paradigm shifts in social behaviour. Of course, staying well informed is our duty, there are so many angles we can see the effects of these technologies influencing our lives, and my angle is just one of many.