Sigh...My shadow is always following me! (Said in a child voice).
Thought I would be the same character as you and turned out I'm a Moominpappa, though I don't want to be...
Good news is I am far less reactive than I once was, but still playing ping pong b/n blackbird sample one and blackbird sample two. It's true I can appreciate both.
Creeping up on fifty and still...
Sometimes, I think the light is my shadow and my creative self goes to places not unlike Comte de Lautréamont, dumping in the salt in order that I might gently float.