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RE: I am my occupation, nothing more.
I think you need to adjust your dreams. No dream can stand up to 10 years in a rapidly changing world. What was called forth from inspiration then is now an albatross around your neck. If it isn’t spilling forth with energy, it’s not meant for you. What is? The answer to that is what you must settle into the stillness to allow to emerge, allow to take you and make you.
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It's evolved a lot in 10 years, and I feel lots of energy for it when things are going smoothly. When they're not I just kind of crawl up into a ball
I do need to spend more time in stillness