The hidden rules of community burials

Greeting Steemit Family

True culture and traditions vary in different communities, especially in African communities. We value many things in our culture that, after careful reasoning, may not be easy to understand unless you know the purpose and motives behind them. I had the chance to attend the funeral of a relative in one of the communities in my area. It's always sad to lose a loved one, but it becomes even more disturbing when the burial process doesn’t go smoothly. This is not just an inconvenience to the family, but also to supporters and sympathizers who show up for moral support.

From the look of things, everything seemed to be going smoothly, which is why I did not bother taking pictures of the lowering of the coffin or the start of the covering process. The burial activities were handled by the youths in the community, as it’s part of their responsibility. However, there are rituals involved, rituals I believe are more like laws, because they vary from one community to another. These arrangements are expected to be fulfilled before the grave is dug.

From what I gathered, the youths usually request certain items: food, drinks, cigarettes, and sachet whiskey. These demands seem simple and easy to provide, and the family had done that. But there seems to be a twist, they ask for a specific kind of food, and it must be provided at a specific time too. I believe this is where the family misunderstood the arrangement.

The youths started work the day before by digging the grave. They were provided with the requested items, and rice was the food they asked for. So rice was provided, and they ate and drank while working. The digging went smoothly, and the grave was ready for the body to be lowered.

After the family completed the final rites and the coffin was lowered into the grave, the covering began without issues. Women were singing while the youths covered the grave with soil, using their feet to press it down. Suddenly, they stopped and moved away. I could see small groups forming, and the family seemed confused, trying to find out what had gone wrong.

From a distance, we learned they were unhappy about the food. At first, I thought the food provided was not enough. It was corn fufu and vegetables, and from where I stood, it looked like enough for all of them. But the problem was not about quantity or quality, it was that they were not served the specific food they asked for, which was rice, after the burial.

This put the family in a very embarrassing situation in front of everyone. You could see people whispering and shaking their heads. It was not a good experience, especially since many people had other commitments but had to wait to place their candles on the grave.

Another thing I noticed was that the youths refused to collect money. The family was ready to offer cash so the grave could be completed, but the youths refused. I later learned that money is not accepted at the grave site, it is a volunteer task and must be done based on prior arrangements.

If they stop working, no one else is allowed to continue unless they are authorized. When they left, they placed their tools inside the half-covered grave. From what I gathered, only someone from the Fon’s palace can remove those tools and continue the work.

Eventually, the family had to provide the rice they initially asked for. But to bring the youths back, a fine had to be paid not in money, but in crates of drinks. That meant the family had to double the provision to complete the burial.

Personally, I believe some of these customs and traditions need to be revisited. They should be clearly defined and documented, especially for the younger generations. There needs to be a common understanding, and ideally, some level of synchronization across communities. That way, families will no longer face embarrassment at the grave site.
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