Steem4nigeria Accelerator Contest Week 91: Not what you think.

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Not What You Think

People see something, hear something, or just get a small piece of a story and start building a whole movie in their heads. But life has taught me that sometimes, what you think you know about someone is not what it is. It’s easy to misjudge people because most of us don’t take the time to really understand.

That’s what it means to be misunderstood.

When you are misunderstood, people misread your actions, misinterpret your words, or create their own version of your story that you don’t even recognize. It’s painful. It’s annoying. And sometimes, it can completely break you if you’re not careful.

My Experience: The Debate That Almost Silenced Me

I remember this very well. It happened back in my secondary school days. I was part of our school debate team. I loved debates. I was confident. I spoke with energy, with passion, and I was always very serious about winning.

There was this particular debate that turned everything around for me. I was selected as the first speaker. I did my research, prepared my points, and I was ready to go and give it my best shot. On the debate day, I stepped up, confident and bold, and I spoke like my life depended on it. I knew I did well because even the teachers were nodding as I spoke.

But guess what? After the debate, I started hearing whispers. Some people in my class said I was "too proud." They said I was "showing off" and I was "acting like I was the smartest person in the room." Even my classmates that I thought were cheering me on said I was doing too much.

Can you imagine? I was genuinely giving my best, I wasn’t trying to show off. I just didn’t want our Class to lose. I thought I was making everybody proud. I didn’t know they were busy misunderstanding me.

When I heard all the things they were saying behind my back, I felt terrible. I won’t lie, it cut me deep. I began to question myself. Did I really come off as proud? Was my confidence now looking like arrogance? I didn’t know when tears gathered in my eyes because I felt like nobody really got me.

How I Felt

I felt lonely. It was like I was standing in the middle of a crowd, but nobody could see me for who I really was. They saw what they wanted to see. It’s one thing to be criticized for something you actually did wrong, but it’s a different kind of pain when people attack you for something you didn’t even mean.

It made me want to withdraw. For days, I told myself I would never volunteer for debates again. I told myself I would just sit quietly in class and never raise my hand again because people would still judge me, whether I did good or bad.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t me. I’ve always been someone who loves to express myself. I love to speak. I love to lead. And I realized that shrinking myself to make people comfortable wasn’t the way forward.

How I Handled It

After I gave myself some time to cool off, I decided to address it. I didn’t go to fight anybody. I didn’t go to start explaining myself to everyone one by one. I just started being more intentional about how I presented myself.

I spoke with some of my closer friends and asked them, "Did I really sound proud that day? Or was it just people talking?" One of them told me, "It’s not what you said; it’s how you said it. You sounded like you were crushing the other class, like you didn’t rate them at all."

That was when I understood. My passion and my confidence were misread because of my tone. People thought I was talking down on others.

From that day, I became more careful with my delivery. I still spoke with confidence, but I added a little humility to the way I presented my points. I made sure to acknowledge the other team’s efforts, even when I was clearly winning.

And most importantly, I didn’t quit. I kept debating. I kept standing in front of people. I just made adjustments.

My Advice to You

Let me tell you something from the bottom of my heart you will not always be understood. People will sometimes get you wrong. But don’t let that push you into hiding. Don’t let that force you to become silent.

When you find yourself in a situation where you’re misunderstood, pause and reflect. Sometimes, the problem is the people. Sometimes, the problem is how you passed your message.

But whether it’s your fault or not, don’t leave room for confusion. Communicate. Don’t assume people know your heart. Sometimes you need to explain. Sometimes you need to adjust. But never stop being you.

Also, be careful not to be the one misunderstanding others. Before you jump to conclusions about people, ask questions. Give them a chance to explain themselves. Life is already hard enough; let’s not make it harder for each other.

Being misunderstood can hurt you, but it can also grow you. I am stronger now. I am wiser now. And I’m happy I didn’t let that secondary school experience silence me.

So next time you see someone doing their thing, don’t be quick to judge it’s not always what you think.

Inviting my friends
@imohmitchel @ukpono @kinberry