The winter that may not come at all

I haven't been in a particularly good mood in the last few days and weeks. Probably because of my health. Yes, a lot has changed in my life in the last few months and between where I was 8 months ago and where I am now, there is "a mountain" of difference. There are so many things that have changed, some of which I can still barely comprehend having happened, too good to be true, and I am incredibly grateful for that.
I'm grateful for so many things right now, because so many things could have been different. As I've told you before, you never know when your life could turn 360 degrees, literally be ruined by something small, and then never be able to recover. Get sick, go bankrupt, end up on the streets, get addicted to painkillers, i.e. drugs and what not.

But I wished, in the current state of things, as good as it is, that I could also enjoy good health, and not have the constant feeling that death is lurking around every corner.

Death is lurking around every corner.

In the midst of summer, I managed to buy some things for the winter. I bought some winter clothes, half off and more, at the KIK store. I just discovered this store this year and finally forced myself to look at their assortment of goods, especially clothes. It may sound funny, but until recently I thought that they only offered clothes for fat and aging women.
It turned out that this was not the case, after an extensive search I found clothes that fit me, well, size XS, and didn't look like they were for aging women, and they were at perfect, even unthinkable prices.
I noticed that only KIK store keeps winter goods on sale during the summer. As I told you before, or maybe not, the previous store where I bought clothes at reasonable prices - the Chinese local store, suddenly increased its price policy, and now it has goods for 4 seasons all year round, but not a single item is discounted because it is not in season, or for any other reason, as it was before.
So I was very happy to find KIK and its discounted winter clothes.
And not only that.
I bought blankets too, on sale during the summer. Because just thinking about winter makes me want to buy a blanket. And I did. I also bought some things for my feet, they look like slippers, but they're made of synthetic material, in the shape of cats. 😹 To keep me warm, because my feet are one of the parts of my body that suffer the most in winter...

Then I thought about it.
I'm happy that I managed to buy these things. At low prices.
But...
Will I live to see the winter?
And will I survive the winter?
This is a question I ask myself every winter, but especially now. Because usually when you prepare well for something, it just doesn't happen. You know...

It's like when you really want something, but it never happens.

I remember that documentary made by a Bulgarian journalist who went to observe and talk about the notorious people who break spells in Bali. There I saw something that is a little hard to make sense of, because some false teachers are trying to convince us otherwise.

There were people there who were crying. Because these wise people were simply telling them: "It is not given to you", or: "the spirits do not allow it", or in short: "this is not your destiny". Be it to be healthy, be it to be successful, have a child when you want it so much but cannot give birth, or be it something else.

I can never know what I am not allowed to have and what I am not given, what my destiny is. And the moment you achieve something, with great pain and labor, or absolutely incomprehensible coincidence, and bam!: this is not given to you, now you have to go.

Death is lurking around every corner.

I have several acquaintances who died too young. Some even before the big "suddendeath hashtag" that has been going on for the past 4-5 years. Young people who died in ridiculous ways, good people, some of the best I've ever known, if not the best.

There's no way I can't ask myself again: Am I a good person while I'm still alive?

Well, today I realize that this doesn't even apply to our current lives. What happens in this life should be more about previous lives. That's why many people seem to get away with the bad things they do today. They just don't know what will happen to them in the next life.
I vaguely sense now that this is some kind of rule in this game. And it makes sense. We come here without any knowledge of anything. We experience things that often have no logic, no cause-and-effect relationship, and things are so inexplicably absurd.
But is this really the case? Are things really as chaotic as they seem?
I don't believe it. There is order in this earthly Hell. In this Hell of some unknown other planet, where people come and stay for as long as is predetermined as a sentence depending on their crimes during their previous existence.
Don't you see any point in this now?

By depriving these people of a longer life, they are also deprived of the opportunity to make further mistakes, which will be punished in subsequent lives, if they have any. And we, the rest of us, are left to suffer, left alone, wondering why all this happened...

Death is lurking around every corner.

@ Simonjay's recent posts reminded me of things that need to be done while I'm still alive, no matter how much I try to sidestep and avoid this topic.

Repeating what I already wrote in a comment, I recently came across a call from a probate lawyer to write down passwords - for phone, for email, for apps and wallets for storing funds - on a piece of paper or shared with a trusted person.
Because if this is not done during life, after death, it becomes too complicated for the remaining close people and relatives.

I had done this years ago and had given my passwords to my partner, setting off on a difficult journey during a pandemic.
But now I have to do this again, as it's time to consult a lawyer about "my will", if there is any ground to consult one in a country where the laws automatically transfer the rights to everything you own to your direct relatives. So what I have will go directly to someone I'm not particularly close to and haven't gotten along with in my entire life. Or to his children, who I don't even know. And not to my partner, who is the only one who really deserves this. Simply because we are not married. So, every little loophole to get around something like this should be explored, if there is one.

Death is lurking around every corner.

When my grandmother was alive, I found it very strange why, years before her death, she had prepared a set of new clothes and shoes that she wanted to be buried in. I suppose she also had money set aside, especially for her funeral.
I only now understand all this. And I understand what a wise woman she was, only now.

One shouldn't think about death while one is alive, I thought when I was younger. But is that really the case? Shouldn't we think about it at every stage of our lives, because... Death is lurking around every corner.

Thank you for your time! Copyright:	@soulsdetour
	Soul's Detour is a project started by me years ago when I had a blog about historical and not so popular tourist destinations in Eastern Belgium, West Germany and Luxembourg. Nowadays, this blog no longer exists, but I'm still here - passionate about architecture, art and mysteries and eager to share my discoveries and point of view with you.

Personally, I am a sensitive soul with a strong sense of justice.
Traveling and photography are my greatest passions.
Sounds trivial to you?
No, it's not trivial. Because I still love to travel to not so famous destinations.🗺️
Of course, the current situation does not allow me to do this, but I still find a way to satisfy my hunger for knowledge, new places, beauty and art.
Sometimes you can find the most amazing things even in the backyard of your house.😊🧐🧭|