The Unfair Life of Pashtun Girls!
In our society, especially among Pashtuns, girls are often not allowed to live freely. A Pashtun girl cannot laugh openly, show her face proudly, let her hair loose, or even celebrate her own happiness in public. Her joy is considered shameful. Her smile becomes a burden for her family. Her freedom is seen as dishonor.But at the same time, when girls from other countries, other cultures, or even from different regions of Pakistan come to Pashtun areas, our people suddenly forget all their traditions. They welcome these outsiders with open hearts. They treat them with respect and kindness. They even ignore the same tribal customs that they strictly follow for their own daughters and sisters.
The sad part is, the very actions that are punished for Pashtun girls are accepted or even praised when done by girls from other places. Our tribal elders call their own daughters disrespectful or “dishonorable” for doing simple things like talking to a boy or choosing their life partner. They label them with the worst words. They shame them, isolate them, or even harm them.
If a Pashtun girl dares to fall in love with her uncle’s son or her mother’s nephew or wants to marry someone of her own choice, she faces deadly consequences. Many times, such girls are killed in the name of honor. Their funerals are kept secret. No one is allowed to cry for them. At night, they are quietly buried like criminals.The family tells others not to show any sorrow. No prayers are held for them. No Islamic rituals are performed. It’s as if the girl never existed. They treat her death as something shameful, even though she did nothing wrong in the eyes of religion or humanity.
What’s even more painful is that the whole family takes part in this cruelty. Whether it’s the girl’s father, uncles, brothers, or cousins, everyone acts together to silence her, punish her, and erase her from their lives. I am not against culture or tradition. But when I see that foreign women, or girls from other backgrounds, are treated so kindly and respectfully in our society, it breaks my heart. I can’t help but think about our own Pashtun girls who are still oppressed, powerless, and voiceless.
Why don’t we show the same kindness and respect to our own daughters? Why do we only become soft and respectful when a white woman from America visits us? Why do we forget our harsh traditions for them, but enforce them so strictly on our own girls? Our boys are given all the freedom. They are allowed to choose whom they want to marry. And when a girl likes them, the family feels proud. They say things like, Look how strong and handsome our son is, a girl fell for him!
But let’s not forget another example, a girl from Karachi who once married someone in India and moved there with her four children. Until today, Pashtuns still use shameful words for her. They insult her behind her back. They never forgave her, even though her choice was legal and personal. This is not called honor. This is called hypocrisy.
If we truly want to be fair, if we believe in justice and equality, then we must give the same rights to our daughters that we give to our sons. We must treat our girls with the same love, mercy, and humanity that we show to outsiders. We say Congratulations and Good luck to our sons when they follow their heart. But when our daughters do the same, we curse them and destroy their lives.This is not just unfair, it is inhuman.
Let us make our own girls feel safe, loved, and valued, just like we do for others.