I left him two years ago this summer. @stellabelle, I don't believe we "accidentally" connected with these men. According to people like narcopath Sam Vaknin and psychologist Richard Gannon--himself a survivor of narcissistic abuse--our vulnerability to these monsters is a result of childhood conditioning, most often due to a narcissistic or borderline parent. In going through my recovery process I've had to face so many childhood incidents where I was devalued and humiliated. I learned to hide my true self and use a people-pleasing facade to avoid punishment and confrontation. I learned how to accommodate and normalize verbal and emotional abuse. I learned to associate abuse with love.
It's true what you say about sociopaths and other disordered individuals being drawn to those with empathy. And the fear? Yes, there's that. It permeates every aspect of my life, keeps me tethered to the safe confines of my home and workplace. There was so much I was doing before him, so many things on my bucket list, so many ambitions I had...and I've dropped everything. I would love to read your book as I know, from your words, that we've experienced the same soul-raping experience.