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RE: A true story of naivety, unpalatable facts and abuse
I'm glad you learned, even if it had to be the hard way. One should NEVER live for others. If someone is harming you or making your life worse by any means, you should not be around them - let alone disable them. I understand very well where you're coming from. I was a people pleaser myself. It caused me so much misery in life. I'm so glad I figured it out at around 30. Most people never find it out, and they live on with miserable lives trying to please others, do good with no focus points. The best thing you can do for others is to never compromise with your values, and never expect less from them than you expect from yourself. Once you start disabling people with doing them disservice you're going down a bad path.
"The best thing you can do for others is to never compromise with your values, and never expect less from them than you expect from yourself." I love this! It is so true. So often we let people get away with terrible behaviour that we would not tolerate from ourselves!
Thanks :) I always tell my three year old to help himself :) "Dad, dad, help me, help me" Which I reply; "Crom help those who help themselves" :D (Crom is Conan the Barbarian's God) That's the kind of God I like. The one who help those who help themselves - which is of course the non existant God. Sure, I help him and others when I know it's impossible for them, or they have tried their best. I can't say that to my kid when he literally can't reach something because it's too high up, or if my wife can't open a bottle cap. But you do no good by doing things for others that they should be able to do themselves. It's like the 25 year old who lives at home, enabled by his parents who demand nothing of him. They are not doing him a favor. On the contrary, they are destroying him. :)
That's a very good attitude. I've struggled with this trying to keep everyone happy. My adult brother stayed with me for a long time, and it was my husband who said we were doing him no favours. I found it so painful to tell him to leave, but my husband was right and my brother's life went on just fine. Fortunately my first child to reach adulthood (18 ) is fiercely independent and can't wait to move out.
That's good :)