This is probably the most difficult part of distinguishing between appearance and what is. We seem to have more to do with ourselves than with others. My own mental condition often determines what intentions I attribute to others.

I think we agree that this is a lifelong task and practice to be aware of it and to keep a cool head and a loving heart at crucial moments.

Perceiving the obvious of a situation and then acting or not acting on it is only possible if I activate the inner willingness to always act at the least possible damage and to become the least of a nuisance to my fellow world.

The more alien and different I feel towards another, the less I will succeed. The more I am willing to accept similarities, the better I will succeed.

How difficult this practice is to implement, I notice again and again when I let self-doubt and anger win in weak moments. How much guilt I then carry around with me has to do with how heavy and big the bag of guilt has become. It is then very difficult to look into the eyes of others to whom I think I owe something. As far as they have withdrawn their trust in me, experienced me as incapable, the restoration is often something that seems insurmountable to me and yet it is probably the most worthwhile task I can pursue to find peace.