I am scared. I cannot doubt myself anymore.
I saw that I am withe Representative of Christ. Not big because of a name, but because it annoints me. I so hope you are reading this like I read you: saying everything that is true. I trust you have come to help me very specifically in this moment. I am so unstable as I trust I need to be to be able to get pushed where I need to go. Still in my own voice the only voice that can withstand the impenetrable hoards of who have been computed. HOW to communicate and secure with love the soul you need to "save"(not from life but death). HOW. I hate discord. I feel so unsafe there, I can unscramble fast enough on this live platform. these textbox replies at least leave me only in my room. Discord sucks so hard at my spirit light. Once the big ones feel me (fortunately I am tiny fry) they will find a way into my life, which I had secured from all attack by good solid fish and chips and chamomile tea. I can't format, so forgive me - on a laptop that is impersonal enough but hard to navigate. So as I string this all together not having read your other replies I leave a cry for assistance. HOW to? There is only one way always and it is now here. Face to face. actually possible. But if they (ours) have given me this, then the work is going to get so serious I have to be petrified. I can't do this! Why should I be able to? Just because I knew I would if I could? Declaring yourself in, signing in some moment long ago up for his is all it takes and then they start to string it all together? I am not afraid of losing the truth between me and OV, I am also not afraid of losing him to his lack of understanding. I do doubt we have had enough time or covered enough minimal ground for me to be able to land in this midst and hold my own and not be sucked or blown into destruction by the opposition. He will be alright no matter what, I can't hurt him or compromise his soul. But it won't be a suicide mission for me, it could compromise you and me and whoever else we are as cluster. He either needs to have what it takes to fortify us now, as good as, or I can't do this. It will either come to pass, or not, but the catch 22 is he can't do it without me and I can't go much deeper in. Is this another abort mission or are we finally able to pull another out. The ONLY reason I am here, but I NEVER expected it to be this concrete. maybe moving some chess pieces around not be a piece on the board. And then the goddamn king. It's ridiculous.