Of Wants and Worthiness

If life has taught me anything, it is that we humans can be a mass of conundrums and contradictions.

We don't always know what we really want... and sometimes it can take years of rigorous soul-searching and self-enquiry to even narrow down what we want.

Really want can be considerably different from what we might think we want, on the surface of things. We strive and then we get what we thought we want... only to discover that it actually wasn't "it," and we were just playing around in the shallows of life.

But just because we manage to identify our deepest most intimate and heart-felt desires doesn't mean we actually choose it... even if the opportunity presents itself... which it doesn't always do.

It is often not until we take a retrospective of where we are that we discover that we had the proverbial "brass ring" within our grasp, but we didn't feel worthy of taking it and holding on to it.

I remember sitting with a friend many years ago, as she was agonizing over — you guessed it — "a boy" who was everything she ever said she wanted but she was too terrified of actually being treated the way she wanted to choose him, in the end.

I look back on conversations like that, and know that I get it.

We often choose something that's familiar over something unknown that forces us to step outside our previous patterns and allow us to find our greatest happiness in uncharted waters.

It's easy to slide into comfortable mediocrity when we don't feel worthy, and go through the motions of repeating patterns. People do it with jobs. People do it with relationships. People do it with friendships. People do it with lifestyles.

Authenticity; true authenticity can be scary...

I had an impromptu conversation with a spiritual teacher at a retreat, many years ago. We talked about relationships, and the masks we wear; the image we present to the world, and how it is often out of alignment with our inner truth.

He pointed out that it is much more painful to be rejected for whom you truly are than to be rejected for a facade. And so, we stick to the facade, in order to protect our hearts and souls.

But to what end?

Giving up the chance of an exceptional experience, in service of securing an "acceptable" experience?

I made such a choice when I was at Uni, and young and stupid with dubious self-esteem... had an "acceptable" marriage, instead of breaking it off for someone else I knew who was exceptional.

At the time, I did not feel worthy. Better to have something, than to risk ending up with nothing... or potentially what I had always dreamed of.

Self-esteem is a slippery beast, particularly when we are young!

And we have to have the courage to actually choose what we really want, once we know what that is...

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great weekend!

How about YOU? Have you ever stuggled with feeling worthy of choosing and having those things (or people) your heart desired most? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)

Created at 2025.08.29 23:45 PDT
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