Beauty and the Brains

It never fails to baffle me how quickly people assume that if you are considered “pretty” or have what society deems an “attractive body”, that there is nothing much going on between your ears. Like somehow, beauty and brains can’t live in the same house. I can only speak for myself in this instance, and I’ll say it loud and clear: I am anything but stupid.

Now is where the men come into the conversation (yes gents, time to put on your big boy undies, lol). There is a deeply rooted, socially conditioned idea floating around out there, that because women are emotionally driven, intuitive, and don't think or behave like men do... that we are somehow “lesser” or not quite sharp enough. Airheads, even? I beg your pardon, but… no.

Yes, we are emotional creatures. This is no secret. We feel deeply. We often let our hearts speak before our heads catch up. And yes, we express ourselves, sometimes loudly, sometimes dramatically. But these things don’t subtract from our intelligence… If anything, they add to the richness and depth of who we are.

Emotional intelligence is a form of wisdom that this world still sorely underestimates.

What breaks my heart most is how often women are ridiculed for simply being real. For being soft. Open. Vulnerable. For feeling something deeply and not pretending otherwise. I have seen it so many times and experienced it myself more than once too… women being played, strung along, misled… and then, to top it off, being mocked for it afterwards. Branded “too much” or “too easy”.

No. They were not easy. They were authentic. They trusted you. They led with their hearts and that takes courage. It is not weakness. It is power.

If I were to ask a few questions in return, it might be this: why are so many men walking around with their egos (and other things) swinging out in the open, while calling women “emotional messes”? There is a kind of fragility in that performance too, isn’t there?!

Let’s get real. I’m not here to bash men... not even close. There are incredible men out there. Grounded, respectful, kind hearted men who value the women in their lives (as well as in general) and aren’t threatened by a woman with a voice, a brain, and a backbone. To those guys…I see you, and I salute you.

But the reality remains, there are also a hell of a lot who are juuuust not quite there yet. Who still think dominance is something you prove, rather than something you outgrow. Who mistake a woman’s grace for naivety. Who take advantage of openness, then disappear the moment emotional accountability is required. That’s not masculinity… it is just immaturity wearing cologne.

And yes, there are women who behave just the same. Of course there are. But I am not speaking as a man, nor am I writing this to represent all experiences. I am writing from mine… and my experience is that we, as women, are still having to fight to be taken seriously the minute we bring both heart and intelligence into a space. We are still seen as either one or the other… sharp or soft, strong or sensitive, sexy or smart. Like we can’t possibly be all of it at once.

Well, we are!!! And we are tired of shrinking to make that more palatable.

Gone are the days where we wait to be picked like flowers on the wall, approved, or rescued. We are writing our own rules. And most of us have little time or tolerance left for inflated egos, or half-arsed attention.

So I will say this… to the women who have been called “too much”... carry on. To the ones who have been made to feel small because they dared to love with their whole hearts, please don’t stop. Your softness is not a flaw. Your intelligence is not a threat. And your value is not defined by whether or not a man knows what to do with you.

As for the rest? Gentlemen, cowboys, self-declared alpha males… a little self-awareness goes a long way. The world doesn’t owe you anything, and neither do we. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t lace it up. And if it does... feel a little tight… maybe it’s just time for a better pair.

Women don’t actually want to fight with you, we would much rather walk alongside you holding hands… but only if you can handle a woman who’s both fire and mind.