NO is a complete sentence.

Sometimes I think the hardest word in the English language isn’t “antidisestablishmentarianism” or whatever other Scrabble champion nonsense people throw around. It’s “no.” Just two little letters, yet some people choke on it like it’s a dry Marie biscuit without a sip of tea nearby.

There is a world of difference between being kind and being a doormat. Kindness has a backbone. Doormat behaviour? Not so much. And honestly, people pleasers exhaust me. Not because they’re bad people… quite the opposite. It’s because they ARE good people who deserve so much better, yet they keep serving themselves second (or last) on the plate of life.

When you say “yes” but deep down you’re screaming “I really, really wish I hadn’t,” that’s not generosity. That’s self betrayal wrapped in politeness. And it’s not sustainable. Eventually the weight of all those forced yesses spills over onto the people closest to you… the ones you run to when your gut is in knots from another round of people pleasing. And let’s be frank, no one likes playing the role of unpaid emotional sponge on repeat.

I am not saying standing up for yourself is easy — it very often isn’t and is something I think we continue to master as the years move on. Life shapes us, circumstances teach us, and some people grow spines quicker than others. I get that. But what does drive me up the wall is when someone asks for advice, nods like they’ve just discovered their deepest truth… then completely ignores it. Over and over again. Advice is like a tool… if you leave it lying on the floor and never actually use it, don’t be surprised when the cupboard door still hangs off its hinges.

I will gladly pour my energy into people who at least attempt to help themselves. But like everyone else, I’ve only got so much fuel in the tank. And I would far rather spend my spare energy on something uplifting or inspiring than running in circles with someone who doesn’t actually want to shift. A little selfish? Sure. But selfishness isn’t always a villain. Sometimes it’s just fundamental self respect.

If you want something badly enough, you will find a way. If not, you will find an excuse. And excuses may be the comforting “easy out” in the short term, but they’re basically bubble wrap and are ultimately useless for holding anything of real weight.

Start small. Say no to joining a braai you’re not in the mood for. Correct someone who keeps spelling your name wrong. Decline that “quick favour” that’s actually a three-hour mission. Test out the freedom of honesty in tiny doses. Watch how much lighter you feel when you do.

Every time you use your voice, every time you say what you actually mean, you grow taller in your own skin. You walk away freer, braver, and a little more unapologetically you. And that is a pretty powerful way to live.